Protectors of Atlantis
by IndeMaat
Summary: The Wraith are not the only enemies the Atlantis team faces in the Pegasus Galaxy. They can use a little help with this one. [Protectors of the Plot Continuum spin off]
1. The Other Sheppard

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics were taken from _The Other Sheppard _by T L Kay._

-oOo-

"You call it what?"

"_Stargate Atlantis_," Tasmin said with a sigh.

"Never heard of it." Allison shook her head.

"It's a spin-off of_ Stargate SG-1_."

"I've heard of a film by that name. Well, by the name of _Stargate_."

"_SG-1_ is based on that movie."

"All I remember about it is a pyramid opening."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "That will have to do." She opened a portal. "This Sue doesn't require that much background knowledge for us to be able to pick her out of a crowd."

"Beside that. Why are we getting this mission? We get military based fanfics, not scifi."

"This is is a scifi with a military background. I've requested it."

"Why?"

"Because you need to expand your horizon." Tasmin grabbed her partner by the shoulder and shoved her through the portal.

-oOo-

The agents entered the fic in the Gate Room. Doctor Weir was standing by the Stargate rocking back and forth on her feet. Allison wasn't interested though why the head of Atlantis was bouncing around like a five-year-old excited about having a secret.

"I take these are the fandom appropriate uniforms?" Allison studied the light gray jacket. "This should be a Union Flag, of course, not a Saint George's Cross." She tapped the patch on her left arm.

Tasmin shrugged. "Must be a flaw in the fandom."

"They're nice uniforms though. I like these jackets."

"We're not here about the fashion."

"When do we ever go into a fic to pick up some fashion advice? Come to think of it, when did we ever go into a fic where it had even been possible to get good fashion advice?"

Tasmin glared briefly at her partner. "Never mind that. Look, just to get you up to speed, that's a Stargate, and those people coming through it are all canon. That's doctor Rodney McKay; the one he's talking to is lieutenant-colonel John Sheppard. Behind them are Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagan. That woman is doctor Elizabeth Weir; she's in charge of this operation. And next to her is doctor Daniel Jackson. He's from _Stargate SG-1_, but here because he likes to socialize."

"And who's that at the console?" Allison pointed at a uniformed person of unidentified gender and race.

"No one deemed important enough to get a description let alone a name."

"An extra then?"

"Most likely."

The agents were quiet as Weir addressed the Away-Team.

"_Yes. In fact that's why I was waiting for you. I'd like you to come with me to meet your new team member."_

"_I'm sorry, new team member?" said John. "Why do we need a new team member?"_

"What are the chances of Weir replying: 'we don't, but I found her as a surprise in a Christmas cracker and I decided to keep her'?"

Tasmin glared at her partner and Allison quickly jumped out of arm's reach.

"_Well, as I'm sure you are all aware, none of you is exactly qualified to deal with anything archaeological. Not to mention the fact that between the four of you you only know a handful of Ancient."_

"That's good, isn't it?" Allison carefully eyed her partner. "The author found a weakness of the team and decided to help out."

"If only the new team member just completed the team's weakness. If only she brought with herself the weaknesses that come with nosey archaeologists. Then this would be a proper story and we wouldn't be here. Besides, Weir is a linguist who knows Ancient, and McKay has developed some translation algorithms. Between the two of them I don't really see the team have an actual problem."

McKay and Sheppard continued to question Dr Weir about why she would bring an extra member into their team as she lead them to the infirmary to meet said new member. The two PPC agents followed.

"And while Weir talks, you should take notes," Tasmin said.

Allison presented notepad and pen. "I've already got: only reason Weir needs to take on a Sue is that she's a close friend of Jackson and his protégé."

"Add to that she is ex-Air Force and made captain before she left at the age of twenty-six." Tasmin shook her head. "It's a bit young to be a captain. Most captains in the US Air Force are between 29 and 34 years of age. Must have been an accelerated promotion."

_Elizabeth smiled. "Yes, they were sad when she left. She got her PhD in archaeology and linguistics last year at the age of 27. She has been studying with Dr. Jackson for the past 5 years and is the foremost expert on Ancient next to Daniel himself. Isn't that right Daniel?"_

"So, she was working hard in the Air Force, to earn herself an accelerated promotion, plus working on her PhD in her off-time." Allison made a note of the Sue's achievements. "On the risk of asking another question you will hate: when did she sleep? She was effectively working two jobs."

"Perhaps she never slept. After a few days of staying awake people start to hallucinate, start to think they are things they are not."

"Such as captains in the US Air Force?"

"Exactly. If she were to stay awake any longer she would die."

"We should be so lucky."

"_She's also a brilliant pilot, one of the best the Air Force ever had, and she has the gene."_

"Gene?"

"The ATA gene. Some humans have it. It allows them to activate Acients' technology. It's an important plot point in _Stargate Atlantis_. Sheppard has it naturally, McKay through gene therapy.

"Mary Sue Litmus Test: does you character combine all of the best qualities of the canon characters? Yes? Then she is a Mary Sue of the worst kind. Please stop writing and pick up a good book."

"Books are not necessarily the places where you learn about writing good characters. Main characters in books are usually special too."

Allison eyed her partner. "You do mean to add to that: but special in a balanced way."

"Of course." Tasmin nodded. "They've got their good side and their bad side. And the problem with Sues is that they don't have enough of a bad side. Or it doesn't hinder the story enough."

The party of SGA people and PPC agents reached the infirmary. While the former went in, the latter stayed outside. Their SEP field protected them from being spotted by canon characters. They were, however, the problem of Sues, so would immediately be spotted by a Sue. That is, by any Sue that wasn't completely self-absorbed. Tasmin and Allison didn't take a chance of finding out early whether that was the case with this Sue, and stayed outside, occasionally stealing glances at what was going on inside.

_The young woman hopped down from the bed and turned to the group. There was a look of shock on Sheppard's face, as well as on the woman's._

The Sue, to everyone's surprise gave Sheppard a hug. To his question why she hadn't told him she was coming to the SGA she replied she thought he had been dead. She had even given up on ever finding out what had happened to him. McKay then interrupted to ask who she was.

_Katie looked at John. "You haven't told them?" Her voice was icy. "Why haven't you told them John?"_

"Told them what?" Allison asked. "Sheppard just said he didn't know she was coming. And she hasn't exactly giving him much room to introduce her to the rest of his team."

"You're never going to stop trying to find logic in anything a Sue says, are you?"

"Lack of using normal people logic is one of Sues' major flaws. It might be the one thing that turns them into balanced characters. Ouch." Allison had been too slow ducking Tasmin's hand.

The Sue threw a tantrum and then introduced herself as Sheppard's baby sister.

"She's got the baby part right."

The scenery blacked-out for a moment, and when colour returned the agents found themselves outside Sheppard's office listening at the door in the company of Dr Rodney McKay.

"Is he supposed to be this nosey?" Allison asked. "Surely he has better things to do than eavesdrop on a Sue. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I have better things to do than eavesdrop on a Sue."

"No, you don't," Tasmin replied. "Your job is to write down charges on Sues. Eavesdropping is just part of that job."

"I just wish the conversation was a little more interesting than the Sue saying she can take care of herself and that her mum is dating a guy with a limited scope of interest."

"It's interesting that the Sue can't decided whether she wants to be known as Kate or Katie," Tasmin suggested.

"Perhaps one name should go with her pilot persona and the other with her archaeologist persona." Allison turned around and leant with her back against the door. "So, tell me more about this gene thing. When did they find out Sheppard had it?"

"According to the fic Sheppard went missing four years ago, which probably coincides with him going on the Atlantis mission. So, four years ago."

"Assuming the Air Force, or the SG-people, knew these two Sheppards are related, and this gene is important, why didn't they contact her before? If Sheppard has the gene, there's a fifty percent chance a sibling of his has it too."

"It seems they did: she's been trained by Daniel Jackson for five years, though she was never informed about Stargates. And perhaps not even about having the ATA gene."

"Even though the gene is of importance to them."

Tasmin raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, yes, I know: Sue logic is not compatible with real world or fandom logic."

"Sheppard just offered to show her around and a flight in a puddle jumper. You're right, this conversation wasn't interesting." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her bag. "Let's move on."

-oOo-

A week after her arrival the Sue had already found her place in the team where she had found some common ground with each of them: Teyla liked her for being a woman, Ronon for having a boyish sense of humour, and McKay liked her for being a dabbler at science. Sheppard and Weir were pleased, Tasmin and Allison annoyed.

"I don't think McKay is going to have meaningful conversations about science with someone that just 'dabbles' in the matter," Tasmin grumbled. "Unless she mistakes condescending, verbal abuse for pleasant conversation."

"It is probably her 'boyish sense of humour' that allows her to make witty retorts."

"Funny, I interpreted 'boyish sense of humour' as 'the sense of humour an eight-year-old boy would have'. Witty retorts, clever enough to match McKay, are not part of an eight-year-old's repertoire."

Doctor Weir decided it was time the team went on a mission.

_Roughly thirty minutes later Sheppard's team was ready to go. Katie and John had gotten into an argument about weapons. Katie wanted a P-90 but John seemed to think it was unnecessary, which Kate took for him being sexist, until she saw that Teyla had one, and things got even more out of control._

"How did she manage in the Air Force?" Allison exclaimed. "The woman is incapable of following orders."

"She probably thinks she's not part of the military any more. Erroneously. Write her up for calling her brother sexist for not letting her carry one of the big guns."

"Overprotective would be more appropriate," Allison mumbled as she took the note. "I'm not much for rules and such -"

"Hmm, I've noticed."

"But a person that has made it all the way to captain in the Air Force should know you do not bicker with a superior over the choice of guns. Even if that guy is your brother. It's bad for moral and undermines their position as a leader."

"Very true. And adults don't argue like little children any more. Well, most don't." Tasmin gave her partner a look.

"Hey, I happen to think we always have very mature arguments. And I've never called you a sexist."

Tasmin had to concede that.

After Sheppard lost the argument the team was ready to go. The agents watched as all of them stepped through the Stargate.

"Are we going to follow through their portal or take one of our own?" Allison asked.

Tasmin looked at her partner and a small smile formed around her lips. "Let's take theirs. It's not likely we're going to have many of those opportunities."

Stepping through the gate, Allison noted, was like breaking the surface of a puddle of water, but dry. Also the wormhole was different from stepping through a PPC portal. At least with a portal you could see where you were going before you stepped in. She looked around. The site was pre-industrial urban and to her left was a stepped pyramid. "It looks Mayan," Allison said.

"The Sue noted that the place could fit anywhere in middle America." Tasmin pointed at the Words. "Maya culture was largely located in central America. Fic's just making due with what it's got. C'mon." She pulled her partner on her arm. "They are heading for the mountains."

McKay lead the team, and the agents in its wake, up to a cave. He told them there was something unusual about the readings. The Sue decided that should be investigated and stepped right into the cave. Sheppard went in after her and told her that she should always look around before entering unknown territory.

"_Oh please, John. If there was anything dangerous here Major Lorne's team would have told us."_

_He looked uncomfortable, because he knew she was right._

"I think that sentence's not finished yet," Tasmin said. "It should say: he knew she was right handed. Although, I don't know why her hand of preference is relevant at this moment."

Allison chuckled. "I think she was fired from the Air Force for being an idiot and somehow someone made an error on what her commission was."

"Really." Tasmin shook her head. "That things were safe when Lorne's team checked the site does not mean they are still safe. Undesirable elements have proven to be mobile."

McKay and the Sue entered the cave. Teyla stayed behind to keep an eye on them while the other two started on a proper reconnaissance of their surroundings. McKay followed the energy signal. The Sue followed the writing on the wall. They both ended up in the same place, both noting how things were like the Ancient, but at the same time not.

_Katie reached out her hand to touch the wall, and found nothing. Her hand went right through the wall with enough momentum to throw her off balance. She had enough time to grab Rodney's vest in an effort to steady herself before both of them fell through the wall into blackness._

"Stupid Sue." Tasmin rushed forward and threw off her duffelbag as she knelt on the ground. "Who tries to lean in to a wall they're supposed to be inspecting? No one." She rummaged through her bag and produced a torch. "You gently touch an unknown wall. You do not shift your balance towards it." She switched on the torch and carefully felt around for the non-existent wall and the edge of the pit it was shielding. She shone the light down.

_Katie's first thought was of the unbelievable pain that she was in; the second was of the room she was in. She managed to haul herself into a sitting position and look around. She and Rodney were lying on the cold hard ground in a chamber that was filled with an eerie light, and no visible way of generating it. _

"That looks like a long way down," Allison commented after she had cautiously installed herself next to Tasmin. "Are we going to follow them?"

"We might, but we're not jumping down this pit, if that's what you mean."

"That's all I wanted to hear. I wouldn't want to get hurt like them."

"They're not hurt."

"Er, I think you just missed the part where she said she was in incredible pain."

"Yes, and then the Sue missed the part of where she was no longer in pain as soon as she got up, nor has McKay made any complaints about pain after he woke up from his unconscious state by being shaken. And that man is quite the hypochondriac."

"I see your point. Now, shine your light over here so I can write up this Sue for having an inner ear imbalance, and unusual healing powers."

Sheppard came to sit next to the two agents. He called for McKay and the Sue on his radio. They informed him they had fallen through a wall. Sheppard threw a rock through the wall. The Sue protested over the radio that it nearly hit them. Then wondered if they were also able to go back through the wall.

_She looked around on the ground for the stone that had landed near her feet. She found it and threw it up at the area she guessed they had come from. Some twenty feet or so above them the rock disappeared into the wall._

Both agents quickly sat back and the rock hit Sheppard.

"How convenient that she manages to throw the rock against the wall at the right height on her first try," Allison said.

"You are forgetting that the missing wall itself is at least ten feet tall. There was a lot of leeway for her." Tasmin switched off the torch. "As a matter of interest: what if there is no real wall on this side at all? I mean, what if down below, where they are, there isn't a wall either."

"You mean that this cave is right above another cave?"

"Exactly."

"Could be interesting. It would mean that they couldn't just boulder back up. They would have to be pulled up or do some rope climbing."

"Hmm. No one here seems to be thinking of that possibility. Those two scientists below haven't entertained or explored the option. I hate it when canon just sits around on their asses and waits for the Sue to make the next move."

The agents stuck their heads back through the wall and looked down into the chamber.

Rather than inspect the cave McKay decided to ask the Sue what she was mumbling about before she made them both fall into a pit. The Sue explained she thought the writing on the wall was a hybrid language:

"_A hybrid of Ancient…and Goa'uld."_

"Does she mean as in Esperanto, or hybrid as in English is the hybrid of all the languages spoken by all the peoples that ever invaded the British Isles?"

"How am I supposed to know what this Sue means?" Tasmin asked her partner. "Trying to figure out Sues is your kink not mine."

Allison rolled her eyes at her partner.

The Sue finally decided to look around the room and saw there was even more writing on the wall. She started to study it to find out why it was a hybrid language and what it said. McKay was still dumbstruck, but mainly dumb.

_He looked at her confusedly._

_She sighed. "You know, for a genius you're kinda dumb. You said the readings were the strongest behind the wall, well look around, we're behind the wall."_

"Wow," Allison said. "I've never quite so literally seen a canon wait for a Sue's cue before he could go do something useful."

"Yeah. It's painful," Tasmin grumbled.

McKay and the Sue both went about their respective business until the Sue ran into something useful: she found a code in the writing. She thought that if the symbols would be pressed in the right order an exit would open. She pressed the symbols and shortly after the chamber started to convert. A staircase leading up to the entrance came from the wall, other chambers opened up packed to the brim with Ancient technology.

"It's like Aladdin's cave." Allison was in awe.

"Ali Baba," Tasmin corrected. "And if I know the Ancients well, there should be a few more trapdoors and other nasty surprises."

Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla seemed to decide they had spent long enough thinking up a good game plan and without any preparations went through the non-existent wall down the stairs. From the stairs they saw a chamber that had also caught McKay's and the Sue's attention: an Ancient stasis chamber with a man in it. The man opened his eyes. Sheppard immediately pulled his gun on the man he identified as Goa'uld. The Goa'uld rolled up his eyes and fell from his chamber. The Sue quickly caught him and lowered him to the ground.

"Did that Goa'uld just faint?'

"Looks like it."

"And did that Sue just display an act of incredible stupidity?"

Tasmin nodded. "The Goa'uld are evil. She should know that. She's been studying with Daniel Jackson for five years. If anything, he must have taught her that. Yet, she jumps between this Goa'uld and the gun pointed at him. What is she playing at?"

Somehow the Sue managed to convince the others that an unconscious, unarmed Goa'uld was not a dangerous Goa'uld.

"Should we step in now before she does irreparable damage to the canon characters?"

Tasmin put up her hand to stop Allison descending the stairs. "I would like to see where this is going. Perhaps we get lucky, the Goa'uld wakes up and kills her with his bare hands."

While everyone else waited and the Goa'uld slowly regained consciousness, the Sue and McKay, who started to more and more behave like her lackey, found an information console and started to translate it.

"Isn't it just convenient how aliens always leave information panels lying around as if they were statues in a bloody museum."

"I thought you weren't familiar with any scifi?"

"Well," Allison bobbed her head, "I've heard other agents talk in the cafeteria."

"This guy's information plate says his name is Adrianus and he crash landed here."

"That's nice of him, isn't it, to keep his plate up-to-date like that."

"It is, but it seems to have been his intention." Tasmin nodded towards the Words.

Below the man woke up and the Sue rushed to his side. The man, Adrianus, confirmed what she had gathered from the information plate. He was weak and the Sue suggested he should rest.

"_I'm dying. I was dying when I went into that thing, I only did it to make sure that someone would find me and I could pass on the information."_

"Yes, but why was all this information interesting?" Tasmin asked no one in particular. "You wrote an information plate saying that you crash landed here. Anyone could have gathered that from the mere fact of finding you here. Interesting would have been why you had come here in the first place. What would you have done had you not crash landed?"

"Are you willing the Sue to use a logical plot?"

"I'm not so big a cynic that I think such a thing is impossible."

The look on the man's face told the Sue that he had not much time left. The host had slipped into a coma and his body was dying soon. Most people with any knowledge of Goa'uld would think that a good thing. The Sue asked Sheppard to fetch her some water so he would be out the way, and then opened her mouth over that of the man, offering herself as the new host for the Goa'uld.

Allison had to grab hold of Tasmin to keep her from tumbling down the stairs.

"Does she think this is heroic, or something?" Tasmin recomposed herself.

"You know what Murdock once said: there is a thin line between crazy and brave, but for Ray Brenner it was pure brave."

"And this is too crazy to be anywhere near just crossing the line between brave and crazy. We're talking completely different ball parks here."

"Sports metaphors, that's a new one. Here, have some chocolate." Allison pulled Tasmin's bag closer and rummaged through it in search of some chocolate. She gave one bar to Tasmin and helped herself to the other one.

Down below the SGA team had cleared out of the chamber. Only the body of Adrianus was left behind, but that was of little interest to the two PPC agents. Allison sat back and looked at the Words. She had a feeling that it would perhaps be best if they didn't get in too close proximity of the Sue for the moment. She glanced at her partner. Tasmin chewed on her chocolate with malice. Tasmin was usually the cool headed one of their partnership. She wondered what had tipped her over the edge.

The Words informed Allison that the Sue was brought to the infirmary and flat-lined. Ronon had to physically restrain Sheppard.

Tasmin huffed. "If she means that much to him that he wants to throw himself at her like a hysterical widow then why didn't he say goodbye to her before going to Atlantis?"

"Because he was afraid she would get hysterical and hang on to his leg to keep him from going?"

Tasmin growled.

"The fic is actually getting into that." Allison pointed at the Words about a chapter lower. "Weir asks Sheppard to come for a walk, and he bares all. It's almost pornographic."

Tasmin bit off a piece of chocolate with such vigilance that it scared her partner.

"Apparently, with the Sue being his junior by ten years and both his parents being career Air Force Sheppard had to take care of her." Allison paraphrased Sheppard's speech to Weir. "Does the Air Force really pay that poorly that a general with a working wife can't even afford a care-giver for his kids?"

"In the early 80s a One Star General would have a monthly basic pay of about three-and-a-half, four thousand dollars, depending on their years of service. Pay has increased considerably since then, but we also used to get a lot better value for dollar."

"But a care-giver for the little ones?"

"Naturally. Besides, a general wouldn't want people around the base to know that his eleven-year-old son was an acting nanny. He would get laughed at."

"Then the general dies, and, I guess, hadn't provided a pension for his widow-"

"Yeah, right."

"Sheppard took care of his sister for ten more years, then his mother remarries and his evil stepfather forbids him to see his sister ever again. Then the thing in Afghanistan happens and he just gives up on her."

"Right, Sheppard giving in to a bully, where have I heard that before? Not in this fandom!"

Allison staggered back a little and quickly lobbed her bar of chocolate to her partner to placate her. "I need you to be calm before we can charge this Sue."

"I am calm." Tasmin grimaced. "Set the portal. We're going in."

-oOo-

The Sue flat-lined again. Sheppard bolted into the infirmary only to be caught by Ronon. Doctor Keller called time of death. Ronon let go of Sheppard and he collapsed in a sobbing heap on the floor. Weir knelt down and pulled him into her arms.

Then the Sue sat bolt up right. She was alive. It seemed the Goa'uld had sacrificed itself so that she should live. Ronon asked how that was possible.

"_That," she sighed, "is an excellent question."_

"And we're here for the excellent answer." Tasmin stepped into the infirmary pointing her Colt M1911 at everyone, but mostly the Sue.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" the Sue asked.

"Agents Tasmin and Allison, Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and _Stargate Atlantis_ in particular."

"Katherine Marie Sheppard. Kate or Katie for short." Allison smirked. "Which do you prefer?"

"Katie," the Sue said hesitantly.

"I can see why. It's the more immature version of your name. Immaturity is one of the charges brought against you."

"What?"

"Charge her properly," Tasmin said without taking her eyes of the Sue.

"I like to vary my chargings a little. They get so boring otherwise."

"Charge her properly."

"Right." Allison sighed. "Captain Katherine Marie Sheppard, Katie. We charge you with being a Mary Sue. You are too young to be a captain; you are barely old enough to have a PhD; you've pretty much been working two jobs and been above excellent in both of them. You have a sob background story, and sadly, you gave Sheppard the same."

"Who are you? What are you talking about?" Sheppard scrambled up.

"Could you hold on to him, please?" Allison asked Ronon.

Ronon replied by gripping on to Sheppard again.

"Let's see what more have we got in the Mary Sue category." Allison studied her notepad for a moment. "Doctor Weir was singing your praise. You could probably replace the entire team, 'cause I'm sure you have all of their best qualities combined and then some. Except perhaps for his best qualities." Allison's eye fell on Ronon. "I don't remember you saying you had great masculine built."

Tasmin cleared her throat.

"Right." Allison quickly reverted back to her notepad. "Further, you have the ATA gene, and are even more of a natural at using it than Sheppard. Though, I don't think we've seen any proof of that here. This we actually consider a good thing. We charge you with having been in the Air Force yet winning a bickering match by calling a superior officer a sexist. We charge you with a complete disregard of military protocol, and having Sheppard here even thinking you are right about it. Added to that, we charge you with pretty much neutering Sheppard."

At this Sheppard tried to lunge at Allison, but Ronon still held on to him tightly.

Allison looked unimpressed. "You make him give in to bullies and people such as yourself that don't know what they are talking about. Really, not know what they are talking about. Offering yourself as a host to the Goa'uld? Must be one of the most stupid things I've ever heard of."

"It wasn't a Goa'uld," the Sue replied. "It was a Tok'ra."

"What's a Tok'ra?"

"Sort of like a Goa'uld, but nice," Tasmin replied.

Allison pondered for a moment. "Did you know this when you offered to be a host?" She asked the Sue. "Why didn't you tell the others Adrianus was Tok'ra?"

The Sue shrugged. "It was better for dramatic purposes if that came up later."

"Indeed. If it had come up earlier we may have thought you less of an idiot. Speaking of idiots, we charge you with giving Rodney a lobotomy of sorts, as you took away his brilliance and his arrogance. You have been charged." Allison folded the sheets of the notepad back in place. "Do you understand these charges?"

"I have no idea what they are about."

"You're either not as smart as you claim to be or you don't pay attention very well. These charges are of crimes you committed against fanfiction in general and _Stargate Atlantis_ in particular. Your punishment is death. Tasmin will shoot you."

Which Tasmin summarily did. She unscrewed the silencer from her gun and returned both items to her duffelbag.

"No!" Sheppard managed to free himself from Ronon's hands and threw himself at the Sue, but before he reached her he seemed to come to his senses. "What is this? What's going on here?" He looked around and spotted the two PPC agents. "Who are you?"

"We're the good guys," Allison said. "We're just here to pick up the space debris and let you get on with your business."

Tasmin nodded. The SGA characters gave each other confused looks. Weir took the initiative.

"John, Ronon, can I talk to you in the meeting room?" The men nodded and the three of them left the infirmary.

"You say Rodney had a lobotomy?" doctor Keller asked. "I think I should see him about that." She also left.

"That went rather well," Allison commented. "Any cool places in this fandom where we can dump this Sue?"

"I've thought about feeding her to a Wraith, but she's already dead. So let's just take her with us and throw her in the incinerator." Tasmin grabbed one arm of the Sue and started pulling her off the bed.

-oOo-

_A/N: When introducing a new character that is related to a canon character a backstory for the both of them has to be made up. It is, however, important that that backstory does not contradict the character of the CC. I'm a little hard put at believing Sheppard would just give up on his sister because his bully of a stepfather told him he couldn't see her. Both had reached the age of legal majority long before Sheppard went to Atlantis, so I don't really see why anyone could have kept him from staying in touch with his sister._

_To T L Kay: I appreciate that you don't appreciate this story. If you're okay with making shortcuts (in plot and canon) in your story, then I'm okay with pointing out those shortcuts in my story._


	2. A Strange Fate

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _A Strange Fate_ by Abby Marie Sheppard._

-oOo-

Allison was sitting at the desk in Response Center 80s. She was typing up the report of their last mission.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Allison jumped up as the console beeped loudly. She quickly saved the mission report and walked over to the console to check what new mission they were dealt with.

"Another _Stargate Atlantis _Sue?" She frowned. "Is this some sort of you get one you get them all?" she asked her partner, who just walked in from the adjacent bathroom.

"You know how PPC Headquarters works: if you don't want them, you'll get them," Tasmin replied.

"Yes, but you want them."

Tasmin thought about this for a moment. "That's probably why the console beeped while I wasn't in the room." She walked over to the console. "On the other hand, there are two Sues in this fic, and I don't want that either."

"Great, two Sues. I hadn't even read that far."

"You didn't? You should have. You should always go into a fic prepared."

"If I read anything of the fic before going in, I'm sure I would run away from it as far as possible. Not preparing actually allows me to do a better job."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Let's just get ready for this fic. Portal to the Gate Room, same disguises as last time." Tasmin turned around to get her duffelbag while Allison punched in her instructions in the console.

-oOo-

"Wow, there's quite a crowd here," Allison said looking around the room.

"Everyone is always very anxious to see the new Sues arrive."

Allison turned to the Words that lit up in the distance. "So what have we got here? A scientific expedition. Sues that are scientists. That ought to be good."

_It was at that moment that the realization hit her. She was finally going to Atlantis, finally going to be with the man she loved after three long years._

"This Sue hasn't had sex in three years." Allison almost doubled over laughing.

"For some people sex is not the most important part of a relationship."

"C'mon. Sex is the only reason not to call a relationship friendship."

Tasmin was lost for words for a moment. She shook her head. "Anyway, what made you conclude the Sue hasn't had sex in three years?"

"Sues don't speak of friends as the man they love, and they are annoyingly monogamous. Hence..."

"You have a strange, strange value system."

"I also have a sex life. So, I don't really care."

Tasmin did not want to discuss that topic any further and was glad to see that the new scientific expedition came through the Stargate.

_It was all quiet until both Raven and Jen came tearing through the gate giggling as they went. They were both military officers but they were both the best at their fields and they knew it so they pushed their boundaries as much as possible._

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Military officers that behave like teenagers visiting a theme park. Boy, this will be fun."

"McKay over there is just bouncing with enthusiasm." Allison pointed.

McKay apparently knew the two Sues and introduced them to Weir.

"_This one is Major Raven Mysti Carter the daughter Lt Colonel Samantha Carter and the other one is trouble-maker Lt Jennifer Hayley. I wouldn't have allowed you to approve them coming here only that they are the most brilliant minds in their fields."_

Allison winced.

"Yeah, I know," Tasmin said. "McKay acknowledging someone else as brilliant, but he did limit their brilliance just to their field. Even though he knows almost everything about almost everything."

"I'm not talking about that. It's always painful to share a name with a Sue."

Tasmin smirked. "Your middle name is Mysti? 'Cause it can't be Raven. No one would name a blonde person Raven." Tasmin chuckled.

Allison glared at her partner. "It's Carter."

Tasmin shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about that. Besides, you can always pretend it's a different last name, seen as you manage to pronounce yours as having no R's in it."

"That is how R's are supposed to be pronounced."

"Sure, and the letter after Y rhymes with pet."

Allison produced a low grunt. "Anyway, I guess McKay is not the man this 'scientist' has been longing to see for three years."

"Yeah." Tasmin sighed. "He gets a lot of abuse in this fandom, and very little love."

"This surprises you?"

"Sure. House is just as brilliant, verbal abusive and arrogant as McKay, yet House gets a lot of Sue loving."

"You have a point there. I guess McKay is just lucky. In an odd sort of way."

"Yeah, let's call him lucky."

"Never mind what to call McKay. What are we going to call these two Sues to distinguish between them? I suggest Mysti-Sue and Jen-Sue."

"Mysti-Sue? Why call her by her middle name?"

"Like you said: she's not raven."

Sheppard stepped into the little circle made up by the two Sues and doctors Weir and McKay. He gave Mysti-Sue a hug.

"Is it too early to dub him Mister Sue-Magnet?"

"Probably not. He's the prettiest of the _Stargate Atlantis_ cast."

"I don't know. That Ronon is quite the catch himself."

Tasmin shrugged. "I guess."

"C'mon. He's tall, muscular. He's a hunk. Do you even like men?"

"Sure."

"Or are you more into women?"

"Not after spending twenty-odd missions with you hunting for Sue."

"Don't like men, don't like women. Do you even have a sexuality?"

"Can we change the subject and concentrate on the matter at hand?"

"Gladly. Sort of."

McKay asked Sheppard how he knew the Sue he was holding on to, and Sheppard explained.

"_Well it may come as a bit of a shock, but before I left earth Raven and I were dating and just before I left I asked her to marry me. She said yes and vowed that she would one day meet with me here."_

"I'm shocked," Allison said. "I thought Sheppard came to Atlantis because he had nothing better to do."

"He did. Surely you agree going to Atlantis is better than marrying a Sue."

"Sure." Allison chuckled. "I just don't think this Sue would see it quite the way we do. Anyway, she makes it sound like he had no choice in taking this mission." She pulled her notepad from her pocket and started scribbling.

"Oh, and add that Sheppard went back to Earth after the Siege of Atlantis, but apparently didn't stop to visit the Sue."

Sheppard said he and Mysti-Sue had some catching up to do and led her to his room. Tasmin and Allison followed on a little distance. And behind them followed Lorne and Ronon carrying a double bed.

"A prank?" Allison asked jerking her head over her shoulder.

"More like a walking plothole. Apparently, major Lorne has become a mover."

"And freakishly strong. That bed looks heavy. And like it should have been taken apart into separate elements that are easier to transport than a complete bed."

Mysti-Sue told Sheppard that her mother had always tried to prevent her from going to Atlantis, but McKay specifically requesting her finally got her on an expedition. When they reached Sheppard's room, the Sue and Sheppard went in. The PPC agents kept walking so as not to attract the attention of the Sue.

They turned a corner and stood in front of the door to the meeting room. Allison gave Tasmin a surprised look.

"I guess we just stepped into the next chapter without noticing."

In the meeting room were Weir, McKay and Sheppard, all waiting for the two Sues. It seemed they had been waiting for them for an hour. There was the sound of running down the corridor and the agents stepped out of the way of the door, just in time for the two Sues to flash by them.

The Sues explained to Weir that they were late because they had tried to find the fastest way around the city.

"_Well the next time you girls think of something like that I suggest that you work out the answer after you attend the meeting which you were called to."_

"That's a very mild reprimand," Allison commented. "Isn't the military usually a bit more strict about showing up on time?"

"Weir is not military."

"No, but they supposedly are. They're a major and a lieutenant. Usually you get more upset about these things."

"I'm trying to ignore that anyone ever mentioned they are officers."

"You can just do that?"

"Do you want me to rant about the fact that a major should be at least in her thirties and not be addressed, nor behave as a fourteen-year-old girl?"

"I guess."

"Then don't ask."

_Raven nodded and looked to McKay._

"_So what did you call us here for?"_

_Rolling his eyes, he pressed a button on the remote he was holding and a picture of a new nuclear reactor appeared on the projector screen._

"_We just received three nuclear reactors. I want to know how we can keep it sustainable but get maximum power."_

"And this McKay can't do himself?" Allison twirled her pencil.

"Well, you know how Sues always need an excuse to join the story."

"Yes, but couldn't they have been a relief of the regular scientific crew. Others than Sheppard may have been here for more than three years."

"No doubt, but regular scientific crew are usually just bit characters."

"Fanfiction is about writing the stories that don't get written by the staff writers. Writing a story with a lead role for the regular scientific crew is very much in the spirit of that."

"True, but none of the regular scientific crew can put McKay intellectually in his place."

"_Well how about we just do it and not tell you how?"_

"You call that putting McKay intellectually in his place?"

"I didn't say anyone else was capable of it either."

McKay was shocked at the lack of cooperation of the two Sues. Weir added that it was McKay's own rule that experts could ban others that were not involved from their lab.

Allison looked at Tasmin.

"Okay, McKay could have made that rule. But McKay is involved in making the most of that power source, so he can't be banned."

The Sues said they had made the alternations already on Earth and now it was time for them to go sparring. The two of them burst through the door like a whirlwind and each pulled a knife. They circled each other looking for an opportunity to attack. Then they tackled each other.

_They were stuck, each had the other pinned down._

Allison cocked her head. "That just looks weird. A stalemate hold is one thing, but a double pin... This actually reminds me of that joke about the little boy that wished he was two puppies so he could play with himself."

Tasmin shot her partner a look.

Allison smirked. "Obviously, it was a very young boy."

The two Sues had drawn a crowd which looked on with interest. The Sues made a bet: if Misty-Sue won she would get to wear the clothes of the other Sue; if Jen-Sue won Misty-Sue and Sheppard would have to sing a song to the entire Atlantis staff.

_As soon as the word was spoken, both girls pushed themselves away from their opponent and took up a fighting stance. Then in a blur of moves they attacked. No-one watching could tell who was who. Suddenly a yell filled the air and they looked to see that Jen had finally disarmed Raven and had her pinned to the floor._

"It looks like we have something to look forward to." Allison smiled at her partner.

"I just thought of something," Tasmin said as the scenery briefly turned dark to indicate another end of chapter. When the light returned the agents were standing in the briefing room.

"I thought your thought process ran continuously." Allison tried to snag one of McKay's sandwiches while he was making jabs at Sheppard for having to sing.

"It does, and this particular thought just came up. In canon Sheppard didn't exactly behave as a man with a fiancée back home waiting for him. By asking her to marry him, this Sue has inadvertently given Sheppard your shaky value system."

Allison fell on the floor laughing.

Tasmin rolled her eyes and prodded her partner with her foot. "Stop that. Important things are being discussed here."

"_Oh there is one other thing. Major Carter will be accompanying you. I have asked her to go with you to take mineral samples and to keep an eye on the lot of you. I know how you can easily get into trouble."_

"That's not funny." Allison quickly sat up. "I'm sure Sheppard gets into all sorts of trouble on his missions; undoubtedly it is what makes _Stargate Atlantis_ a fun show to watch. What he doesn't need is a fourteen-year-old baby-sitting him."

"Very true. Plus a moment ago she was a nuclear physicist and now she's a mineralogist?"

"Perhaps she has to collect radioactive rocks?"

The briefing ended and all left the room. The agents followed McKay and Sheppard to McKay's lab. Sheppard was trying to find a place to hide from the two Sues, something the agents sympathised with.

"_There is no way I am letting you hide in my lab. You almost destroyed it last time."_

"That ever happen? Or is this just McKay bashing by proxy: Sheppard being careless with his stuff?"

Tasmin shook her head. "This fic is marked as Romance/Humor. I guess the McKay bashing falls into the humour category."

McKay managed to get into his lab, and keep Sheppard out of it. He looked around and saw the Sues coming around the corner.

Tasmin and Allison saw them too, and also noticed they had nowhere to hide. Tasmin quickly thumped a wall. A data panel revealed itself and the agents took to studying that intently.

"The Sue is coming," Allison whispered. "Look busy."

Tasmin rolled her eyes and made a mental note to slap her partner in the back of the head for that one later.

"_So what brings you to this part of Atlantis?"_

_She asked, studying his reaction. She could always tell when he was lying._

"Horrible paragraphing, and implying that Sheppard was in the habit of lying to her." Allison made a note on the charge sheet.

Sheppard admitted he had been trying to hide from the Sues. Mysti-Sue told him to be ready at six.

_She left him standing there wishing the earth would open up and swallow him whole._

"I'm wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole."

"Hear, hear. And write her up for referring to this hall way's floor as made of earth."

Allison chuckled lightly. "It's either that or she forgot to capitalize and got the planet wrong."

Tasmin turned to the Words. "Nothing interesting happening here any more. Let's take a portal to this performance at six." She pulled the remote activator from her duffelbag and opened a portal.

-oOo-

In the function room a stage had been set up with two microphones and a sound system. A large crowd of spectators had gathered and applauded when Jen-Sue went on stage waving a CD.

"_The song I have planned for them to sing is one they both know very well. 'Just for this moment.' From the stage production 'Wicked'"_

"Please tell me that Sheppard never could have seen that musical?"

"Well, he went to Atlantis in July 2004. _Wicked_ first opened in October 2003. He could have seen it. The CD came out in December 2003 so he may have heard it."

Allison looked up at her partner. "You know, you scare me some times."

Sheppard and Mysti-Sue walked onto the stage and took the microphones. The Sue started to sing.

"Aargh." Tasmin dropped her head in her hands. "The name of that song is not 'Just for this moment'; it's 'As long as you're mine'. At least get the name of the song right if you're going to copy all the lyrics."

Allison quietly stepped away from her partner. "You **really** scare me some times."

The audience loved the performance. Their applause was loud, and so were their cheers and shouts for an encore. Sheppard and Mysti-Sue took some bows and then made their way off the stage to stand with the other main characters. They were very surprised Sheppard could sing so well. So, he made a little confession.

"_Believe it or not, but I was in the drama class at school. We did a version of that musical. I got the lead roll of Fiyero."_

"The Sue was this close to fly by an anachronism. This close." Allison held her thumb and forefinger half an inch apart. "And then she goes and hits one full on in the face." She shook her head as she made the note.

Mysti-Sue added that she and Jen-Sue had been freshmen then, but that they had gotten two of the other leads. Weir grinned and seemed to have decided on a punishment for the Sues for being late at the meeting after all when she sent them back onto the stage. The Sues reluctantly went.

They sang another song from _Wicked_ but the end of it was cut off by a voice that sounded remarkably like the voice over the PA in MASH.

"_Attention all staff. Please remain where you are until further instructions"_

The agents looked at each other.

"Attention all staff. Someone lost a contact lens. Please do not move while we look for it," Allison said.

"Attention all staff. We have detected two toxic elements on the podium in the function room. Atlantis is placed under a level four quarantine. Please stay where you are while we disinfect the City."

Allison grinned. "Do you also get the feeling we are just pawns in a game?"

"I wouldn't mind so much if I at least recognized the game we were in. Let's follow them to find out." Tasmin nodded towards Sheppard and Weir who left the room.

-oOo-

Sheppard got a strike team ready and had them all in the briefing room thirty minutes later. The two Sues were also part of the strike team.

"Would now not be a good time to say: I'm a doctor, not a gun wielder?" Allison asked.

The agents had chosen to stay in the control room and followed the briefing room scene through the Words.

"That's a thing a medical doctor would say. They're doctors through PhD, if they are doctors at all. It was never mentioned. It was mentioned they were in the military."

"Ugh, brilliant scientists and military. What is with this fandom that it attracts Sues like that?"

"I think because Sam Carter is also both. I don't see why that would be any excuse, though. As far as I know, all the scientists on Atlantis just work for the military. They aren't military themselves. At least, they never get referred to by rank."

"_As you all know this is a strike mission. You are to disarm and capture the wraith if you can. They are going to land on a neighboring planet of PKZ-673."_

"Does that make sense to you?"

"No, it doesn't. I have all kinds of questions about the purpose of this mission, most importantly: why does it sound like they are going to have a ground battle with the Wraith? Wraith don't leave their Dart ships unless they have to, and they don't have to to capture people for their culling. I also don't understand why they want to disarm and capture Wraith."

"Plothole?"

"Huge one. I think after showing, telling, what brilliant scientists the Sues are, how good at hand to hand combat and what lovely singing voices they have, it is now time to learn how good they are in combat."

Apparently very good.

"_I have decided to place Major Carter in command of the beta team as she has been in command of more missions and in more combat situations than Lieutenant Lorne."_

"She so has not!" Tasmin jumped up and stormed forward. She stopped at the balustrade gripping it tightly. "It's Department of Defence law. It's called the Aspin Rules: Female soldiers are exempt from assignments in smaller direct ground combat units that engage in deliberate offensive action against the enemy, and from units that collocate with them. There is no way she could have lead more strike forces than Lorne. Not even if Lorne had had a desk job up until now."

"I thought he was a mover," Allison said in an attempt to make light of the situation.

Tasmin narrowed her eyes. "Plus Lorne is a major. Do not mess with the rank of Lorne."

_On the planet, the military personnel were split into alpha and beta teams. The alpha team was taking the right side of the ambush zone and beta was taking the left. _

"This planet was designated as a neighbouring planet of an ally. Does that sound to you like they had actually or even ever done any recon on the planet?" Tasmin cocked her head as she studied the Words. She sounded calmer to Allison.

"Not really." Allison added 'no recon' to the list of offences associated with this one mission.

"I don't think so either. How does this Sue expect this mission to be successful if they don't even know what they are getting in to?" Tasmin spun around. "We're going in."

"Actually, I quite like it here. And we, and by that I probably mean I, don't know what we're getting into."

Tasmin did not reply. She got the remote activator from her duffelbag and opened a portal. Allison sighed and followed her through.

-oOo-

The agents had positioned themselves in a tree. That is to say: Tasmin was sitting more or less leisurely on a branch and Allison was clinging on to the tree trunk for dear life.

"You're not afraid of heights are you?"

"Oh, no. Of course not, of course not. Not me, not me," Allison squealed. "I just have this irrational fear about dying. I'm afraid it will be the end."

Down on the ground the SGA strike force got in position and a Wraith ship landed. Wraith pouring out of it immediately.

"Is there any danger of us getting culled by the Wraith?" Allison asked.

"Wraith have a self-destruct button."

"Is that anywhere I can reach while I'm being culled?"

"Don't worry. The Wraith won't come after us. Wraith that don't go after the SGA strike force don't exist to us, okay?"

The Wraith, however, were not the only enemies the SGA strike force encountered. As soon as they mounted their attack they were taken under fire by a third party. Sheppard decided to call retreat.

"If they had done some recon of their ambush location they might have known they had an enemy here too." Tasmin shook her head. Allison just grunted in reply.

"_Spread out and make a line to the gate."_

_Raven told her team as she took point._

"Spread out ànd make a line?" Tasmin chuckled. "Geometrically speaking a line, of course, doesn't have to be straight. But with all the little men spread out it does become a silly game of connect-the-dots."

"I'm not writing any of that down until I'm safely back on the ground."

Mysti-Sue's team was close to the Stargate when unexpectedly hundreds of men jumped from the trees. The Sue dialled Atlantis and the tree-men stood in awe as the gate opened.

_Making a break for it and firing her weapon, Raven ran away from the group. As she thought, almost all of the men chased her, leaving her team able to run for the gate and make it back to the safety of Atlantis._

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Hundreds of men came after her? This Sue has serious delusions of grandeur. Most of them probably couldn't even see her because there were so many others standing in the way. And why are they not firing at her what they were firing at them before? Did they all fall on their heads when they jumped from the trees?"

Allison looked up at the Words. It was the only direction she dare look in. "It says here that Sheppard's team also went for the Stargate."

"Leaving one of their own behind?" Tasmin looked at the Stargate. It closed after the last of the alpha team had gone through. "From beginning to end this whole mission is very much unlike Sheppard."

"Suefluence, obviously."

"You'd think that Sues that claim to be in love with a character would at least let them keep their good characteristics."

"Sues don't discriminate; they muck about with everything. Can we get down from this tree yet?"

"Yeah. Further ahead the Sue is surrounded by the tree-men and she wants to be taken to their leader."

"Good, and this tree has branches that make it look like a spiral staircase." Allison cautiously peered down and saw the fic had accommodated her. It was now easy for her to descend the tree.

-oOo-

_The first thing that Raven could sense was that she was restrained and there was a stench that stung her nostrils. She started to pull against her restraints. Freeing her hands, Raven sat herself up and looked around for away to escape. Creeping towards the door she paused as heavy footsteps echoed off the stone walls. _

Suddenly she was shoved against the wall with some force. She was briefly disoriented by the knock against the back of her head. Her assailant kneed her in the abdomen and she doubled over. She was pushed to the ground. Her arms were twisted behind her back and someone bound her thumbs together using tie-strips.

"Let's see you try and get out of those restraints," Tasmin said.

"Just to be on the safe side, let's also tie her feet together." Allison started to undo the Sue's shoelaces and tied them together in a big knot.

"Major Raven Mysti Carter," Tasmin started. "We're agents Tasmin and Allison of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and _Stargate Atlantis_ in particular. Most importantly we are charging you with making an absolute mockery of the US Air Force. As a USAF major you are at least in your thirties; you should not be behaving like a fourteen-year-old on stimulants, at least not while on duty. Off-duty use of stimulants is also prohibited so your behaviour should have warranted an investigation.

"As a woman in the US military you do not have experience in leading an ambush mission because the US does not allow women to be part of ground troupes that deliberately engage in combat, that includes laying ambushes. Your inexperience further showed in the fact that the strike force had not seemed to have gathered any intell on the location where they were going to lay their ambush.

"We also charge you with having the tree-men ambush your team properly, and then all abandon it to run after you. Allison?"

"Oh, you go a head. You seem to be on a roll."

"Thank you." Tasmin smiled briefly. "We charge you with being lieutenant-colonel Samantha Carter's daughter. She can't be more than ten years older than you. Do you have any idea how sick that is? Even if she had adopted you that would be iffy, seen as Sam acknowledges herself that she is not very capable of having a normal life. If you had to be related couldn't you have said sister or cousin?"

"She had me when she was fifteen."

"I'm sorry. Did you speak?"

"Teenage pregnancy. She had me when she was fifteen."

"First of all, you didn't listen when I said the age gap between the two of you is less than ten years. Secondly, the average age of first sexual relations is seventeen. For geeky people, such as Sam, it's higher. I very much doubt she had a boyfriend in high-school.

"We charge you with being John Sheppard's fiancée, and causing him to behave out of character. Sheppard would have done intell before he was going to lay an ambush. Sheppard would not leave one of his own team behind in an ambush. Sheppard does not need a baby-sitter when he goes on a mission. Particularly not a person that up to that moment has only shown she needs a baby-sitter herself. Sheppard also did not play Fiyero in high-school. _Wicked_ had not been brought to the stage yet when he was in high-school.

"We charge you with having multiple fields of expertise as a scientist, notably mineralogy and something relating to nuclear physics. At which you also claim to be more expert than McKay. We charge you with abusing McKay by insulting his intelligence. We charge you with abusing McKay by proxy. We charge you with demoting Lorne from major to lieutenant. We charge you with making Lorne move furniture for Sheppard. We charge you with sparring in the corridor and having stupid dares. We charge you with being a Mary Sue.

"Allison, is there anything I have forgotten?"

"I don't know why you ask me to keep notes of charges. You seem to have perfect recollection of them." Allison peered at her notepad.

"It's so you will also have something to do on our missions."

"Ha, you missed one. We charge you with bad paragraphing."

"You have been charged," Tasmin said to the Sue. "Do you understand these charges?"

"Who are you people? What are you doing to me?"

"Again, you haven't been listening. We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We have charged you for crimes against fanfiction and _Stargate Atlantis_.The punishment for your crimes is death. Allison will execute you now."

Allison got a firm grip on the Sue's head and jerked it to the left. Her neck broke with a sound snap. Allison got up and patted the dirt of her hands.

"I guess since this isn't a canon location we can just leave the Sue here and let the world fold in on itself."

"Yes." Tasmin knelt down to feel for a pulse on the Sue.

"A good thing too. We still have that other Sue to charge."

"You do the charging. I want to shoot her." Tasmin got up and opened a portal back to Atlantis.

"I'm a little surprised that you didn't want to shoot this one too."

"I wanted too, but I thought if I held her at gun point while you charged her my finger might slip."

Allison chuckled as she hopped through the portal.

-oOo-

The agents found Jen-Sue in the Gate Room. She was just standing around with the other members of the strike force.

"Lieutenant Jennifer Hayley," Allison addressed her. "We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and _Stargate Atlantis_ in particular. We charge you with being an officer in the military, yet giggling like a teenager in a theme park when going on a mission. We charge you for being verbally abusive to McKay and not getting an earful over that. We charge you with being late for a meeting over a silly dare. We charge you with sparring in the corridor. We charge you with getting the name of the song from _Wicked_ wrong. We charge you with aiding and abetting a Mary Sue, and we charge you with being a Mary Sue yourself. By the way, did you and Mysti, er, Raven join the Air Force around the same time?"

Jen-Sue gave Tasmin's gun a furtive look. "Yes?" She nodded.

"Then you should have had the same rank, unless you are so incompetent that they keep passing you up for promotion," Tasmin said.

"That's Tasmin," Allison said. "Your punishment is death. She will shoot you."

The Sue didn't even have time to stop looking surprised before the bullet penetrated her forehead.

-oOo-

_A/N: I'm a little hard put saying anything constructive about this story. It seemed quite clearly wishfulfillment with complete disregard of the canon. I do believe it is possible to write wishfulfillment fic while taking the canon into consideration, but that would require a different kind of wish, one that is at least competable with the canon._


	3. Forgotton Family and Forgotton Past

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Forgotton Family and Forgotton Past_ by AutumnStarr._

-oOo-

Allison followed Tasmin as both agents made their way through the forest. It was dark, there was a drizzle and the underground was rocky. The agents were in pursuit of a Sue that for some reason was not hindered by these circumstances. The Sue was a half-Wraith. That might have something to do with it, Allison thought. She also thought, why didn't Tasmin bring a couple of umbrellas? Not that umbrellas were of much use when hiking in a drizzle, but it would have been the thought that counted.

Tasmin halted and crouched down. Allison lowered herself down next to her partner and wiped her hair from her forehead. Tasmin turned off her torch and put it in one of the pockets of her utility vest.

"Why are we stopping?"

"The Sue has turned around," Tasmin replied. "She thinks she has felt another Wraith. And over there is Teyla who has also sensed a Wraith."

"There's another Wraith here?"

"No, apparently, Teyla is giving off 'I'm a Wraith' signals now."

The darkness seemed to dissipate as the Sue set off into the woods again and Teyla went in pursuit of her.

_She couldn't help but notice that it was built much like her. Whatever it was. She ran in persuit of the creature. She finally tracked it down to a water fall._

Teyla noticed the Sue had a tan skin colour and deciding this could not be a Wraith lowered her weapon. She told the Sue she was looking for a friend. The Sue replied she was looking for the same.

_Soon as she took notice of Teyla, she only stared, she had to be looking at a mirror of somekind_

By the time the agents reached the waterfall the Sue and Teyla were each holding a knife and circling each other.

"Make a note that Teyla put down her gun when her opponent pulled a knife," Tasmin said. "Her response should have been to raise her gun and declare: I do not wish to fight you."

Allison raised her eyebrows and gave her partner an are-you-kidding-me glare.

"Oh, just write it down."

Teyla told the Sue why she was on the planet, and quickly realized she had told her too much: she had also led on she was not alone. The Sue lunged at Teyla, but Teyla warded her off.

_Teyilia then stood up again, this time Teyla was closer to the waterfall, "I was taught by my father if you would like to know" she said, leaving out his name for the time being._

"Do you talk this much when you have fights?" Tasmin asked.

"Only if I think it will distract my opponent more than me."

Teyla and the Sue continued fighting. A fight the former did not wish to start and the latter wanted to end soon. It bothered the Sue that Teyla was mirroring her movements.

"That's the third time the word 'mirror' is used to compare Teyla and the Sue. I wonder what could be the meaning of that." Tasmin's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Fourth time," Allison corrected. "And whatever the reason: it won't be good."

Teyla stopped to think when she heard the Sue was a half-breed. The Sue failed to take advantage of this lapse in concentration. The Sue questioned why Teyla had become soft of heart.

_"You could have shot me, yet you did not, then you speak of others with you looking for the same as I,"_

"Yes, I too would like to know why Teyla is behaving out of character."

The Sue sheated her weapon confident of her strength. Teyla came to a realization.

_A memory was coming to her. She knew this girl from long ago. "I know you. Who are you and where do you come from?"_

The Sue, who felt hate and confusion before, felt scared now. She said she was born on Athos.

A brief flash of light distracted Tasmin from Teyla's reaction. She turned her attention to the Words and nudged her partner to do the same. The Words told them Ford was sitting in a tree, hiding from the half-Wraith, thinking it was nice not being addicted to the enzyme any more.

"Huh?" Allison said.

"My thoughts exactly."

The spotlight returned to Teyla.

_She began very suspicious of this person and she wished Ford would magicaly show up all better and ready to help her get out of this situation and get back home. _

"This story isn't really moving on, is it?" Allison said. "I'm soaked from this drizzle and the two of them have now spent twenty-five paragraphs circling each other and taking turns at stopping and contemplating how much they have in common. I know rushing a story is bad, but we've already known where this story is going from the moment the Sue decided not to mention the name of her father."

"You could just list clichéd hint dropping as a charge."

"At the moment I can't list any charges as my notepad is probably soaked as well."

"I thought I told you to get one of those plastic notepads geologists use."

"I haven't exactly had time to go shopping, have I? With all these _Atlantis_ Sues they keep dumping on us. Why are we getting these Sues anyway? I've done some Intel, as they say in this fandom."

Despite her efforts to glare at her partner Tasmin raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Yes, thank you for that vote of confidence. I've done some Intel. We're in the sub-department of Rare Fandoms, but _Stargate Atlantis_ is hardly a rare fandom. It is nearly fifteen times larger than _A-Team_ fandom."

"The agents that originally started this department started in one of the _Star Trek_ spin-offs, also much larger than _A-Team_, but a lot smaller than LotR or HP. Plus, Suefics are rarer in these fandoms than in the others."

"It doesn't feel that way."

"That's because we only get to see the Suefics."

While the agents argued the fic had indeed moved on. Ford had decided to jump from his tree and Sheppard and McKay had decided to go and look for Teyla after she had not responded to their hails over the radio.

Teyla got the feeling that someone was watching, but not a Wraith.

_"Are you sensing that to?" she asked hoping this person might end up helping her if this thing watching them was indeed an enemy._

The Sue drew her other knife. She was discomforted that Teyla had sensed her prey too. Teyla asked why the Sue was hunting her friend. At that moment Ford stepped out of the shrubbery and pressed his stunner in the back of the Sue.

"Now, if she has had any kind of combat training, she would grab the weapon in her back, swiftly turn around and take out her opponent," Tasmin said. "And if Ford had logically applied his own training he would not have put his weapon in the back of his target as it would give her leverage to disarm him."

Ford deliberately paid no attention to Teyla and Teyla considered running for her P-90 which she had dropped on the ground earlier. The Sue dropped her knife and did as Tasmin had suggested: she grabbed the stunner and spun around.

_Ford reacted on instinct and pulled the trigger in the same moment as Teyilia's move. The blast rippled down her body and Ford jumped back away from the cliff's edge._

The Sue was stunned and fell down the cliff toward the river that streamed below. Teyla grabbed her hand and fell down with her.

Tasmin ran out of her hiding place and looked down the cliff. Allison followed at a slower pace.

"Now that was stupid," Tasmin said.

Ford looked up in the direction of the PPC agents, but did not seem to see them.

"Perhaps it's better not to speak too loudly in the presence of completely OOC characters," Allison said cautiously.

Tasmin nodded. "You're right."

Ford leant over the edge, his eyes searching for the two women that went down. He called out for Teyla.

_"Y...you pushed her!"_

Ford, and the two agents, turned around to Sheppard, who aimed a P-90 at him, and McKay, who didn't seem to be holding a gun.

Tasmin unconsciously released the safety of her own holster so she could easily get to her gun if the need for shooting her way out should arise.

Ford raised his hands.

Suddenly the two agents were submerged in the river. Allison struggled to get to the surface.

"What the hell?" she yelled at her partner.

"A change of location without applying a scene break," Tasmin replied, struggling to keep her head above the water as they were pulled along in the strong stream.

"I thought you had set the Fic Location Follower to manual?"

"I did, but you know that this thing sometimes sets itself to automatic."

"Nice."

_The neat thing about not knowing what was going on around while stunned by a Wraith weapon is, you can think over things, basically things that one never thought happened in the past, floating in the water Teyilia felt just on the outer-reaches of her body before completely blacking out that someone grabbed ahold of her._

"That just made no sense at all," Allison yelled. "Does she or does she not black-out from a stun blast? And why was I never told that a stun blast leaves a person paralysed yet conscious."

"I thought you had done Intel?" Tasmin yelled back.

"I did, but my Intel told me a stun blast left a person unconscious."

"This particular stun blast left the Sue thinking that perhaps she was not the only daughter of Tagan."

Then Tasmin and Allison were pulled from the water and deposited, dripping wet, back at the edge of the cliff in the company of Ford, McKay and Sheppard.

"Now, set that FLF to manual."

"Already on it." Tasmin pulled a small device from one of her pockets. "It doesn't seem to want to comply. Perhaps it is not as waterproof as this label suggests."

"We really have to get a waterproof FLF. Or put it in one of these ziplock bags so water can't get to it."

Tasmin glared at her partner. "Thank you. I will try to remember that next time."

Sheppard still had the P-90 trained on Ford.

_Aiden just wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out right now. This was not how he was supposed to be reunited with his friends. _

Ford dropped the stunner. That startled McKay, but he quickly regained composure and noticed that Ford's eye had healed. Sheppard noticed it too. He said they should find Teyla and asked Ford if he could help them down to the river.

"They should have come with us," said Allison as the fic took another turn to test the agents for buoyancy.

The head of the Sue broke the surface of the water. She looked around and then dove back down to search for Teyla. She found her and brought her to a small ledge behind the waterfall where she studied her look-a-like.

Tasmin and Allison swam towards the waterfall and looked for a way to get out of the water and behind the waterfall.

At the top of the cliff Sheppard had found a trail that lead down. McKay and Ford followed him. Sheppard called for Teyla. She heard him and replied. When the men found them the Sue had blacked out again. McKay quickly started rattling off questions to find out how okay, or not okay Teyla was. She shot him a look telling him to stop talking.

_Teyilia, though still out from the blast, could still hear, though foggy, she heard first Sheppards voice as he called for Teyla, then her mind started working even faster then before. _

"This Sue really, really needs to learn what 'out' means," Allison said. "You're not out if you still have conscious use of your senses and have a working mind."

Tasmin grunted. "It would have been less annoying if she had said the stun blast had left her groggy, but she repeatedly mentions blacking out."

The three men got the two women to their feet and went their way to the Stargate.

-oOo-

The agents had taken a portal to Atlantis. At least the Remote Activator hadn't drowned. Stepping through the portal also meant stepping into another disguise, a dry disguise.

The Sue and Teyla were brought to the infirmary. They were placed on beds. The Sue slowly opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.

_meaning only one thing, I'm in the Ancestors Home?! How did I get here? _

"This Sue is testing my patience. How does she know that particular ceiling is part of the city of Atlantis?" Allison pointed up. "Has she been here before? Does she have a handy guidebook: Ceilings in the Pegasus Galaxy?"

Tasmin mustered up a smile. "If she does we will confiscate it."

The Sue's thoughts continued. She remembered her childhood and how she had been denounced by her father.

Teyla's memories also took her to her childhood when a girl that had always been her sister was chased away from her village.

Allison sighed. With the FLF still broken she knew they would also be taken to that moment. She hoped the landing would be soft.

-oOo-

It was dark in the flashback. The agents, who had had no chance go change their disguises so they would not stick out like a sore thumb among all the OCs that made up Teyla's village, were glad they were hidden by the cover of night. A junior version of the Sue was in her bed clutching her blankets. Then she got up and climbed out of the window. She made her way towards the woods and the Stargate. When she was almost there Wraith came through the gate and attacked the village.

The flashback ended and the agents were returned to a corridor of Atlantis. Doctor Beckett ran past them on his way to the infirmary. The agents followed. Beckett had shrugged on his labcoat and fired of his first question for information before he noticed he had two patients. He stopped dead in his tracks.

_"Colonel Sheppard," he began, slowly, "Who, may I ask, is tha'?"_

_Sheppard grimaced at the tone of the good doctors' voice. _

"Ah, there are two doctors now," Tasmin noted.

"And I bet both of them are going to get their accents transcribed." Allison knitted her brows together in a glare.

Sheppard told Beckett he had three patients. Beckett first saw to Teyla, then turned to the Sue. Ford stepped out of the shadows where he had withdrawn earlier, announcing he was Beckett's third patient.

The Sue opened her eyes and tried to assess her situation. She saw Sheppard holding the knife she had dropped before attacking Ford. She felt bad about getting her sister hurt. She tried to send a message to her.

Teyla was slipping in and out of consciousness. She was afraid to die. When she received the message form the Sue she latched on to it and asked for help.

The agents were just outside the infirmary to be sure they would stay out of the visual range of the Sue. They followed the events that took place in the infirmary through the Words. Allison cringed as the Words lay Beckett's accent on thick. Tasmin cringed as Beckett seemingly lay one eye on Ford and determined that Ford was back to normal.

Beckett sent Ford to McKay to have his stun weapon analysed.

"Not too long ago," Tasmin said as they watched Ford leave, "most people would not have thought it a very good idea to let Ford walk around Atlantis with a stun gun."

"Beckett took one look at the guy, saw he no longer had that black eye and decided he was no longer an addict. As if that eye was the only indicator that Ford's system was fuelled with the enzyme."

"Beckett can't know that that eye is the only indicator for the enzyme addiction. And he most certainly would not presume it was. He'd run a few more tests on Ford before giving him a clean bill of health than just giving him the once over."

Teyla grabbed Beckett's hand and told him she was scared. He replied she was going to be all right and she relaxed trusting his judgement.

The agents, however, both took a mental note to charge the Sue with making them not trust Beckett's judgement any more, not after the Sue woke up and demanded to know where she was and Beckett told her without hesitation that she was in Atlantis.

"Was he taking a nap the day everyone was briefed on the fact that they had ended the Wraith attack by making them think Atlantis had been destroyed?" Allison asked. "And that he thus should not be telling total strangers that they are in Atlantis?"

"Hmm. Sheppard probably joined him in that nap 'cause he doesn't even make an attempt to stop him from sharing that information."

_John tapped him on the shoulder. "Dr. Weir would like Ford to have a full physical and be checked for any signs of Wraith enzyme in his system before he comes back to work." John said._

"Well, at least Weir hadn't been sleeping."

"Weir was probably the one doing the briefing," Tasmin replied. "So unless she talks in her sleep..."

Allison grunted.

Sheppard left the infirmary to catch some sleep and Beckett pulled up a chair to sit with Teyla.

-oOo-

The agents took a portal and stepped back into the story the day Teyla got out of bed and made a little walk to the balcony. Teyla had been given two officers as company to keep her from falling if she got dizzy. The Sue, however, seemed to have gotten free roam of the place. The agents thought this wrong. Thus Tasmin set their disguises to marines so they could guard the Sue. The Sue frowned at them when they told her it were Weir's orders that they should follow her around, but she accepted it nonetheless.

"All right. Come with me." The Sue led the way to the balcony near the infirmary.

Teyla was on the balcony and sang a song. The Sue told her she had missed the song, but that she had missed Teyla more.

_she took out the knife from her belt as she had been given the thing back, both the knife and her weapond belt when she was cleared to leave,_

Tasmin and Allison and one of the members of Teyla's escort raised their weapons. The Sue paid them no heed. She started to speak incomprehensibly. The gist of her speech seemed to be that that was the knife with which she had killed her mother to prevent her from being killed by Wraith. She gave the knife to Teyla and left, the two agents in her tow.

The Sue went to the sparring room. Where the agents again opted to wait by the door. A moment later Ronon showed up. He immediately raised his gun at the Sue.

Allison smiled. "It's good to see at least one of them is still in character."

"He hasn't been under the Suefluence yet. I doubt it will last long."

_"you are a Wraith, I hunt Wraith, I kill Wraith, yet... how did you get here?" Roonon asked._

A little man, about a foot and a half high, with thick white dreadlocks and a light brown leather coat popped into existence.

"Catch him!" Tasmin said. "But be careful. I don't know whether mini-Wraiths have feeding hands."

Allison had gotten into position to catch the mini, but Tasmin's last comment made her stop and look up. "What?"

"I don't know. I've never seen a mini-Wraith before." Tasmin shrugged.

"That'll be nice to have around the office."

The problem with minis -- other than that they are sprouted by the misspelling of a canon character's name -- is that they take on the characteristics of the canon character they are named after. Which in Roonon's case meant that he was hard to catch. By the time Allison had caught him, tied him up and dropped him in a sack, Lorne and Sheppard were in the sparring room too, trying to talk Ronon's gun down.

Sheppard succeeded and Ronon lowered his gun. He asked who the Sue was.

_"I am Teyilia, I know Teyla because she is my younger sister." Teyilia explained to Ronon, she noticed Lorne do a double take, and Sheppard just staring open mouthed, apparently Teyla had yet to tell the truth of who the half breed was._

Lorne seemed to think the situation was under control and left. Ronon took a little more convincing. Sheppard eventually showed him that the Sue was not a dangerous Wraith because she could not feed on him.

Allison's jaw dropped as Sheppard placed the Sue's hand on his chest. "If the Sue looks exactly like Teyla, then how did Ronon take her for a Wraith? Does he think Teyla is a Wraith?"

"No, he doesn't. He's actually quite protective of her considering she has some Wraith DNA."

"Maybe the white hair is supposed to be a dead give away. Apparently in this galaxy only Wraith have white hair."

"Not to mention that all the canon Wraith women had dark hair."

"How does that even work?" Allison said pensively.

"The hair?"

"No, no. The half-Wraith thing. The Wraith remind me a lot of bees: one queen, lots of drones, living in a hive. If they reproduce the way bees do, then there is no way one of them will successfully father a child in a human woman. Even if his sex-drive was larger than his desire to feed. And I can't really imagine Tagan having sex with a Wraith queen either."

"And knowing you, you've probably tried."

Allison glared at her partner.

Tasmin waved it away. "It hasn't been said, but I get the feeling Teyla and the Sue had the same father and mother."

"Then how can she be a half-Wraith?"

"Exactly."

The Sue and Sheppard left the sparring room and the agents followed closely behind. They could not make much sense of the conversation between the Sue and Sheppard. Sheppard told her about his job and why they had come to Atlantis. She then realized there was a connection between that and the Wraith waking up. Talk about waking made the Sue sleepy. Sheppard said she could sleep in the infirmary.

-oOo-

In the infirmary Ford seemed to be asleep sitting on the floor. The Sue got into the bed near to him. The agents stopped at the door and cautiously looked in. After a short while Ford spoke up. The Sue sat up and engaged in a conversation with him.

_"I think you are wondering why I was after you." she siad, her voice though sounding like a Wraith female only it had a kind sound to it. "you are no doubt wondering why I was following you?"_

"How many times can we charge her for redundancy before it becomes superfluous?" Allison asked.

"I guess charging her three or four times with it would get the point across."

_"I found out about you through the records of a Wraith fighter, your life sign was recorded in the computer of the thing,"_

"She what? I thought she left her community of farmers and hunters at a very young age. Where did she pick up her computer skills? And the skill to read Wraith?"

"And the skill to get around and about aboard a Wraith fighter?"

"That sort of thing comes natural to Sues."

"So do computer skills."

Allison grumbled.

Tasmin chuckled. "I'm curious. You always try to make sense of Suefics. Have you found anything in this fic you could work with?"

Allison glared at her. "Are you kidding me? You are kidding me, right? This fic takes more time to muck out than a hog barn."

Ford nodded off to sleep and, according to the Words, dream of the Sue.

"Let's go in." Tasmin stepped into the infirmary.

A spotlight switched on over the bed of the Sue. She blinked her eyes against the bright light. She saw the two agents stand by her bed.

"It is okay now," she said. "I am going to sleep. You can get some rest too."

"We fully intend to," Tasmin replied. "First we have to take care of something." She aimed her gun at the Sue's forehead. "You."

The Sue jerked her arms to get to one of her knives and found the agents had put her arms in restraints. The agents smirked at her.

"Teyilia," Allison said, "we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and _Stargate Atlantis_ in particular. First we charge you with atrocious spelling, grammar and punctuation. It was often not even clear what you were on about. Added to that: misspelling a character's name. It's Ronon. Two O's, not three. And on two occasions you even misspelt your own name. Me thinks that's kind of silly." Allison chuckled.

"Further," Allison continued, "we charge you with looking exactly like Teyla, yet also looking like a Wraith. Do you think Teyla looks like a Wraith?"

"No." The Sue sounded a little frightened. "I also do not look much like a Wraith. I do not have the gill of Wraith."

"Then, in what way do you look like Wraith?"

"My hair?"

"Your hair? You really think that Ronon is going to pull his gun on every white haired person he sees and call them Wraith? You do not know Ronon well, do you?" Allison pulled her notepad from her pocket. She hadn't written anything in it, but she liked to hold on to it for stature. "Also concerning Wraith: we charge you with being a half-Wraith, but not giving any kind of explanation, let alone a sensible one, where the Wraith half is coming from."

"The same as Teyla. Some of her DNA is Wraith."

"Yes, some. Not half."

"Speaking of Teyla. If your skin colour is the same as hers, sunburnt," Tasmin flicked the Sue in the forehead, "is not a good word to describe it."

The Sue looked at her incredulously.

"We charge you with having been with the Wraith and living to tell about it, with having learnt their language, at least in reading, and knowing how to use their computers. What are you, a Wraith worshipper?"

The Sue jerked her head back to Allison. "That is the worst insult you could give to one of my people," she said through gritted teeth.

"Well, it's fully deserved. We charge you with knowing you're in Atlantis from looking at the ceiling. We charge you with Beckett telling you you are in Atlantis, and with someone giving you your weapons back and free roam of the place."

"I was given an escort."

"**We** gave you an escort. **You** had conveniently left out the escort. So either you are using the same potion as Lucius, or Weir, Sheppard and whoever else thinks about security are out of character. Ford was also OOC as after his rehab he seemed to have forgotten his combat training. And by the way, alien rehab centre? I can't decide whether that was the stupidest thing I've heard of in this galaxy, or the fact that you maintained some level of consciousness after having been stunned.

"Lastly, we charge you with redundancy, clichéd hint dropping and redundancy. In short, we charge you with being a Mary Sue. Tasmin will now make you redundant."

Tasmin shot the Sue. While she put away her gun Allison undid the restraints on the Sue and started to wrap her in a sheet. Jointly the agents pulled the Sue off the bed. Tasmin opened a portal.

"Something's wrong. We have a red light." Tasmin showed Allison the remote activator.

"Isn't that just because Ford is still in Atlantis?"

"No." Tasmin glanced the Words. "We have two other Sues." She pointed at the Words.

"Two other Sues?" Allison dropped the Sue's top end on the other side of the portal.

Tasmin pushed the legs of the Sue up high, then quickly closed the portal. The Sue's body would surely lose balance, but not fall back into the fic.

"Where are they?"

"Mess hall."

"Good. I'm starting to feel a little peckish."

-oOo-

Allison had loaded her tray with an assortment of food. She insisted that Tasmin take a tray as well for they would look conspicuous in the mess hall if they didn't have food on their plates. Tasmin reluctantly took a tray and put an apple and a bottle of water on it.

Allison gave the two items a stunned look. "I thought you long-distance runners had to eat a lot because you burn a lot of energy."

"We do, but as a rule I don't eat in strange places. There could be something mixed through the food that could render me positive in a dope test."

"You run top-competition?" Allison asked as they walked to a table near the First Sue. "I never knew that of you."

"I don't think I ever mentioned it."

"So, are you any good?" Allison set her tray down on the table.

"This is why I never told you."

"Why? It's an honest question."

"Not if you ask with an undertone of hoping I failed."

"C'mon, you're Tasmin. You don't fail."

Tasmin eyed her partner suspiciously.

"So, what is your time on the marathon?" Allison tried to ask as sweetly as she could.

"Just over two and a half hours."

"See, that's very good."

"How do you know this? I didn't think you were into long-distance running."

"I'm not, but I remember Paula Radcliffe setting a new world record at 2.15 something. I figure your time must be good too. You don't get as much training in as she does."

"That's true." Tasmin smiled. She opened her water bottle and took a gulp.

The Second Sue asked if she could sit with the First Sue.

_"No please take a seat." she said trying to stay awake. "I'm sorry I don't think we've met. I'm Amber. Amber Rollings. I'm one of the pilots here." she said offering to shake hands._

"ATA gene," Tasmin said bringing the bottle to her mouth again.

"What?" Allison paused her hand holding the sandwich long enough to ask the question.

"To pilot a puddle jumper you need the ATA gene."

"Well, she brought that information up very subtly."

"Yes, she did. Uncanny."

The other Sue introduced herself as well and sat down. She took a bite from her sandwich.

_The sandwich had some sort of meat in it. She took a moment to wonder how closely it was related to chickens on Earth. One would think that after several thousand years of separation, there would have been more of a split between to two genuses. _

"Everything tastes like chicken," Allison said. "It's all about using the right spices."

"Perhaps your papillae are just not very sensitive."

"That may be true. I, for instance, don't taste any difference between organic and regular pork. Yet, there are people who think it tastes better. If anything, it should taste drier because organic meat isn't as fat. I think the experienced taste difference is largely psychological," Allison said in between bites and while chewing. "You feel good because you are eating organic so your brain also registers it as tasting good."

"Possibly, the human brain is excellently equipped at fooling itself."

_"Yes. I'm on Major Lorne's team. And you? Which team have you been assigned? I mean, since the attack."_

"And there's another example of fooling itself. She says 'attack', but what she's referring to is 'siege'. By using a less grave word she is trying to down play the event and the effect it had on her. But she's only fooling herself. It was a siege, and unless she faces up to that she will never learn how to deal with it."

"You also never mentioned you were into psychology."

"I'm not really. It's just something I read in the paper once. And it makes sense: if people don't label things properly then how can they deal with them properly."

"I haven't labelled this sandwich properly, mystery meat and all, but I know quite well how to deal with it. I eat it."

"You know what I mean."

First Sue said she was going to be put on a new team and lead it together with Bates, which she wasn't happy about."

"Nor will Bates be," Tasmin said, "having to put up with a Sue."

The Sues ate in silence for awhile. Second Sue brought up girls' night, and First Sue agreed they should go. Second Sue decided her meal was finished and got up. She wished the other Sue a good day and left.

"Follow her?" Allison asked her half eaten meal in mind.

"No, I think we'll pick up more charges if we stay here."

Major Lorne entered the mess hall. He grabbed a tray and some food and looked for a place to sit.

_He spotted Rollings sitting at one of the tables. The two had had a brief encounter when he had first arrived in Atlantis, but he hadn't had much contact with her since. From the sounds of it, she didn't have a steady team position... and he was searching for a fourth member..._

"Why would Lorne want a pilot on his team? He's a pilot himself."

Allison briefly raised her eyebrows at her partner before returning her attention back to her food. "You know as well as I do that if a Sue wants to hook up with a pilot, she often becomes a pilot herself." Allison swallowed to get the lump from her throat.

"That's true." Tasmin tried to smile sympathetically at her partner. "That's probably the case here."

_She always thought he was a cool guy but never thought of him as cute. Till now._

"Make that definitely."

The Sue and Lorne talked about Sheppard and how he got out of training new arrivals because he saved the city so many times.

"I'm sure him being a lieutenant-colonel and the highest ranking officer in Atlantis has nothing to do with it," Tasmin remarked. She squeezed her water bottle and realized too late that she had not replaced the cap.

"People not understanding military hierarchy is getting to you." Allison pulled her own tray to safety and threw a couple of paper napkins to her partner.

"There was also some covert Rodney bashing in there."

"Rodney? We're calling him Rodney now?"

"I am." Tasmin glared at her partner. She returned the cap to her bottle and wiped her hand on her clothes.

The Sue and Lorne engaged in a pseudo-flirty conversation. Lorne started to consider adding her to his team.

Tasmin pinched her water bottle again.

"More McKay bashing? Tasmin, I do believe you like the man." Allison chuckled.

"No more than any other canon male."

"Sure."

It seemed Lorne was looking for a new team member because one of the scientists on his team had decided to leave the team.

"Now would be a good moment to ask that pilot question again," Allison said.

Tasmin nodded. "The off-world expeditions have many different goals: scientific exploration, setting up trade relations, reconnaissance. Changing the consistency of the team is going to change its purpose."

Then Lorne decided to answer all the questions the agents had posed:

_"I figure that this time around I'll probably be needing another military hand, not another scientist. Lindsay gets into enough trouble alone, even without a civilian around to encourage her. And of course there's the problem that right now I'm the only member of my team who can safely pilot a jumper..."_

"So, he wants to change the nature of his team because he has a biologist he can't keep in check," Tasmin summarized. "A biologist's job is to catalogue animal and plant life. Their very nature is to observe. How much trouble could they get into?"

"Ignoring your bias towards an entire profession, I'll go out on a limb here and say, less trouble than sergeants who give colonels that tell them to train pilots a piece of their mind."

"I'd never thought I'd say this, but this Sue is actually ranked too low. It may have something to do with not everyone having the ATA gene, but the Air Force doesn't have too many pilots below the rank of captain."

Lorne stood up and told the Sue he had business to attend to.

The agents decided to leave too. Once out of the mess they portalled ahead to girls' night.

-oOo-

Girls' night was held at Laura Cadman's quarters, and chock-full of women. Allison wondered aloud why in a city like Atlantis not a bigger room could have been found. Some of the women agreed with her. Cadman clapped her hands and everyone stopped talking. She suggested they all would play a game of truth or dare. Tasmin rolled her eyes.

Second Sue got picked first.

_Anne bit her lip, thinking for a moment. "How about... Dare."_

"Oh, time out." Tasmin jumped up and made a T with her hands. "First of all, women that have long since been out of college do not play 'Truth or Dare' with women they barely know, much less with their colleagues.

"Amber Rollings, you want the truth, here is the truth: you are a Mary Sue. You have no grasp of hierarchy in the military; you do not understand that composition of a team determines its mission; you don't seem to have noticed that if Atlantis needs pilots for the jumpers they have to request pilots from SGC. And I very much doubt that SGC would respond to that request by sending people that can't fly to save their own life.

"You also fail to understand that if Lorne thinks you are cute in any way, he will not put you on his team because he can do without the distraction. Further, you are a bad speller and you repeat yourself a lot. And for some reason you changed your name to Andrea."

"Actually," the Sue addressed said, "my name is Anne and I asked for a dare."

"A dare? You want a dare? I dare you: dodge this bullet." In the blink of an eye Tasmin had drawn her Colt and shot the Sue.

"Tasmin, you shot the wrong one."

"What?" Tasmin threw her partner a look.

"She was a Sue, but Amber/Andrea is sitting on the other side of Weir."

"Oh." Tasmin turned her attention to the other Sue. "What I just said to her." The other Sue was also shot. Tasmin blew some smoke from the barrel of her gun. She squinted her eyes and looked at the assorted women staring at her in shock. "Anyone else want to get shot? Then I suggest you leave now."

The women got up and quickly left Cadman's quarters.

Tasmin holstered her gun. "Let's clean up in here."

Allison crossed her arms and stared at her partner for a moment. She shook her head. "You got so upset over McKay bashing and you didn't even charge them with it."

"Shoot."

"No, that's what you did. Try to watch that trigger happy finger of yours in the future. You know what the consequences are."

"But, I'm not..."

"Yeah, denial is the first sign. Trust me, I've been there."

"Yeah," Tasmin said quietly.

Allison gave her partner a squeeze in the shoulder. "Let's clean up in here. And go home." She tried on a reassuring smile. "You're Tasmin. You're the best. If anyone can beat this thing you can."

-oOo-

_A/N: This story was based on a game of role-playing. I've never role-played myself, but I figure the same rules apply as in fanfiction: if you make up a character they have to make sense in the world for which they are created; and canon characters are not to behave out of character._


	4. i'm selling you my soul

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Some references are made to _i'm selling you my soul_ by Lorientad._

-oOo-

"This is bad. This is very bad," Tasmin muttered. She shook her head and repeated what she had said.

"I guess we go in to fix it then," Allison said. She sat down on the floor to put on her shoes.

"But not in generic disguises. I think you should go in as Zelenka and I'll--"

"Zelenka? Why do I have to go in as a short, blond man?"

"Because you are a short, blonde woman."

"Then who are you going as?"

"Weir." Tasmin finished giving the console disguise instructions and pressed a button to open a portal.

"Weir? With whom you only share eye-colour?"

"And leadership qualities." Tasmin grabbed the print-out she had made of the fic and stepped through the portal.

"That I have to disagree with you." Allison straightened her shoulders and followed her partner.

-oOo-

By the time she got through the portal Tasmin was already half way up the stairs to the control room. Allison picked up pace to catch up with her.

"Chuck, where's Rodney?" Tasmin shouted at the technician.

"Dr McKay went off-world half an hour ago."

"Where did he go to?"

"An uninhabited planet we discovered a few weeks ago. Is there a problem?"

"Dial the gate address. He left a suicide note. We're going in after him."

"Suicide note? I just thought he wanted some alone time after everything that has happened." Chuck dialled the address.

Tasmin briefly glared at him for his last remark and then rushed back down the stairs. Allison sighed and rolled her eyes before running down the stairs and through the gate after her.

-oOo-

Tasmin stood still a few yards from the gate. Allison stopped next to her. She dropped her hands on her knees and tried to catch her breath.

"You overdid it a bit on the disguises. I even got Radek's stamina."

Tasmin raised an eyebrow at her partner. "I doubt that's the fault of the disguise generator. When was the last time you had a proper work-out?"

"The last time I had time for one. What's he doing over there?" Allison nodded her head over to McKay who was digging a hole thirty feet away from them.

"It said in the suicide note he wanted to be one with the earth." Tasmin showed Allison the note.

"I hate it that badfic takes everything so literally."

"Let's go and talk him out of it, shall we?"

The agents walked up to McKay. He continued digging his man-sized hole.

"Rodney, stop doing that. It isn't worth it," Tasmin pleaded.

McKay stopped digging and turned around to face them. "You don't know what I'm going through."

"You've got that right," Allison said under her breath.

Tasmin kicked her lightly in the shins. "You left a suicide note. Rodney, we are here for you. We want to help you get through this. Rodney, we need you."

"With him gone... We had plans. Plans that will forever be unfulfilled."

Allison rolled her eyes. "That's it." She stepped up to McKay. "Give me that shovel." She grabbed the shovel.

"No!" McKay pulled the shovel closer to his body.

"Rodney, give me the shovel."

A tug of shovel started between Allison and McKay.

"Rodney, let go of the shovel," Tasmin said. She raised her Colt M1911 at him to get her point across.

"You know you are pointing a gun at a suicidal man, don't you?"

"Just shoot me. I have no reason to live and my grave is finished." McKay waved one hand at the hole he had dug.

Allison hooked her leg behind his and gave him a push. McKay stumbled and fell into his hole. "That takes care of step one." Allison smirked.

"Is he conscious?" Tasmin put away her gun and rummaged through her bag.

"Does it matter?" Allison looked at McKay. "He has his eyes closed and has some what of a painful grimace on his face."

Tasmin produced a handful of stick candles and stuck them in the ground in a circle surrounding McKay's provisional grave. After she lit the candles she threw the DVD box set of the second season on top of McKay. Holding the DVD box set of the first season in her hand she started to recite: "Begone, Author of this fic. Get thee behind me My-life-has-no-meaning-without-you! Get thee behind me Purple Prose of Grief! You have no power in this continuum."

The shades of the Author rose from McKay's chest. "But I warned for OOC," the ghostly figure wailed. "You were warned."

"Yes, but there's OOC and then there is McKay, who regularly reminds people he is worth more alive, writing a suicide note. The man could match Zaphod Beeblebrox for ego; he'll get over getting dumped."

"I just wanted to explore a new side of him."

"His old sides are fine," Allison replied. "Now, go explore this." She swung the shovel and scattered the shades. There was one last moan before the fragments evaporated. Allison stuck the shovel in the dirt. "Do I cover this hole with him in it or do I just leave everything be?"

Tasmin glared at her partner.

Allison smirked. "I thought we could do with a laugh after all that."

"We could do with a gathering up our things so we can go home."

-oOo-

_A/N: Rodney McKay would require a ghost-writer to write a suicide note for him. I can understand warning for OOC, but why call it a fanfic if the character cannot be recognized from the canon?_


	5. Sheppard's Daughter

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Sheppard's Daughter_ by TeamDraco._

-oOo-

"Incoming," Allison shouted, trying to drown out the noise the console was making. She only succeeded in giving herself a sore throat.

"What?" Tasmin rushed into the response centre. Her left fist landed on the 'accept' button, while her right hand managed to smack her partner in the back of the head.

"Thanks for that." Allison glared at her partner. "We've got a daughter," she croaked.

Tasmin glared back at her.

"Actually, she's Sheppard's daughter, but through the intricate system of assigning missions, she's now our daughter, too."

Tasmin had half a mind to smack her partner again. In stead, she turned around and started to collect her gear. "Open up a portal," she growled.

Allison set the disguises to generic marines and complied.

-oOo-

The portal took the agents to Sheppard's quarters, where McKay was sitting bent over Sheppard's laptop doing admin.

"Oh, we've just missed the fic's prologue piece," Allison said. "You'd want to read that." She pointed at the Words in the distance.

"And you want to write down that McKay is doing Sheppard's paper work because he has 'nothing better to do'. McKay has always something better to do." Tasmin turned her attention to the Words where the Sue explained that her mother abused her - both physically and mentally - and that at fourteen she held five degrees. "Are we to assume those are bachelor degrees, master degrees, PhDs or did she start her own pop group?"

Allison chuckled. She produced a pen and pad from a pocket and started scribbling her partner's comments down.

The Sue's father, one John Sheppard, had left her mother when she was pregnant.

Tasmin gnashed her teeth.

Now, her mother, Nancy, wanted to throw her out for being too clever.

_I was doing some complicated equations that not even a top scientist would understand. The joys of being clever._

"Go in and charge now?" Allison asked. "Or wait and see the character rupture in action?"

"Sheppard left his pregnant wife, yet this Sue has the intention of portraying Sheppard as a good and responsible father? How does the Sue think that adds up?"

"Could be that Nancy never told him she was pregnant."

Tasmin shook her head. "We've only seen this Nancy once in canon, but she didn't strike me as the type not to tell Sheppard if she had a kid. She told him about her new partner. Besides, she'd want him to pay child support."

The Sue decided she was going to try and find her absent dad. Perhaps he would take care of her if her mother wouldn't.

The fic then jumped forward in time a few weeks and switched from first person point of view to third person.

McKay finished up the admin and, like a good secretary, also checked Sheppard's messages. There was one new one, or rather, a three-weeks-old one that just arrived. McKay got up to tell Sheppard. At that moment Sheppard arrived. McKay made room for Sheppard to check his message.

_John had an inquisitorial look on his face when he pulled it up._

"Inquisitorial, adjective, meaning: of or like an inquisitor, also, offensively prying," Tasmin recited. "He's reading his own e-mail. That can hardly be considered prying."

"Thesaurus abuse." Allison craned her neck trying to look over Sheppard's shoulder to read the message. Strangely enough she received no competition from McKay for that position, even though it was mentioned he was _nosey and impatient_.

Weir contacted Sheppard and asked to see him in her office. Sheppard said he would come. He closed his laptop, and without saying what the message was about, took it with him.

_Meanwhile in Dr. Weir's office John had just arrived there,_

So had the agents. Lack of a scene break combined with a time rift knocked them off their feet and deposited them in a corner.

"Between you and the Sue I am sure to have a concussion by the end of this mission," Allison said. She pushed her partner away and tried to find some footing.

"You may want to sit this one out," Tasmin said as she got to her feet. "And I mean this scene. Not the entire fic."

Sheppard said he had received an e-mail that someone would be arriving from SGC, but the message had not mentioned who. Weir explained.

_"It was sent to you because, 3 weeks ago, your ex-wife Nancy was arrested for child abuse." That threw Sheppard off a little. The Nancy he knew would never hurt a fly, and the Nancy he knew didn't have a child. What on earth was going on? Why was he being told this? And he still didn't understand why the hell Caldwell was here. "You're confused John." Elizabeth pointed out. He just nodded "well, John, there is no easy way around this. The child that she was abusing, Susan, well, she's your daughter." At that moment John Sheppard's life caved in around him._

"I can understand that," Allison said. "And he doesn't even know she's a Sue."

Weir gave him a picture so he would know what she looked like. Then Sheppard realised that this was the person coming to Atlantis.

_"[...] Atlantis is no place for a child!" He didn't know it, but he was going into over protective father mode already, and he hadn't even met her yet._

"I won't call that overprotective father mode," Tasmin said. "Plain old common sense would do."

"Those Athosian children were here for a while."

"They were refugees. They had no place else to go on the short term. They left when their community found a new place to settle. For this kid there are tuns of options for care on Earth. No need to bring her here."

Weir agreed, but added that it was the decision of the SGC. There was one caveat: the Sue could never return to Earth.

"Shouldn't you be sitting down too?" Allison asked. "Considering Weir doesn't seem to object to the SGC banishing a teenager to Atlantis. She would think that was all kinds of wrong. And if she didn't think it wrong she would want to know the why exactly."

"This fic pretty much started with McKay doing Sheppard a favour without complaining. I don't have high hopes for anyone else being any better in character."

Sheppard asked if he could meet the girl on his own. Weir said that was okay and she and Caldwell left.

"We should go too." Tasmin pulled her partner up by one arm.

"I thought you said I could sit this one out."

"This one scene. Scene's over and the Sue is about to arrive."

Allison scrambled up and hurried after Tasmin. From the hall way the agents watched as the Sue and her luggage arrived in Weir's office.

Sheppard and the Sue shared some awkward moments of introductions and silence. Then Sheppard offered to show her around. He picked up her suitcase and a box she had brought. The Sue took her backpack.

Sheppard gave the Sue the grand tour, passing all places of interest to show the Sue. He introduced her to everyone they met along the way. Most of them just stared blankly at the Sue.

The agents followed at a safe distance.

"And a charge for not even giving the extras the most basic of social skills: to smile when you meet a new person," Tasmin said.

"I'm just wondering how light that Sue packed that neither of them is bothered that they are lugging around luggage. A tour would be so much nicer without the extra weight."

The tour stopped at Sheppard's room.

_"This is my room." John said waving his hand over the control panel. "This is also where you will be staying until we find you a suitable room."_

Allison nearly broke her pen clutching it so tightly. "He barely even knows this girl. All he knows are her name and that she suffered child abuse. His first stop should not be his room. His first stop should be a psychologist's office."

"His first stop should be Stargate Command at Cheyenne Mountain," Tasmin said, "to sort out all this nonsense. If the Sue's mother was arrested for child abuse, the Sue would be taken into care. Child protective services might put in some effort to find her missing dad, but they would not just send the child to him without first checking whether he was a suitable parent. The idea would be for the abuse to stop, not to continue on a different location.

"Plus," Tasmin added, "the SGC would never catapult these kinds of family issues into another galaxy. They'd inform Sheppard about the situation - got a child, CPS looking for you - and perhaps of the next possibility for him to return to Earth. And that would be it. Sheppard would go home and the Sue would not come here. End of story."

"Or begining of story that takes place entirely on Earth."

"Either way, as long as it doesn't contain a Sue, I'm happy."

Before the Sue could settle in McKay called. He needed Sheppard's help.

_[W]e need you to use the gene for some weird techno thingy that needs a stronger gene to operate it._

"You told me McKay had the gene too," Allison said.

"He does. But it isn't expressed as strongly in him as it is in Sheppard. What's really wrong in that statement is that McKay used the term 'weird techno thingy'. If he was ready to lab test it, he would already have some ideas about what the thing could do, and hence, have a good name for it. They like naming things around here. Makes it easy to distinguish one weird techno thingy from all the other weird techno thingies."

Sheppard gave the Sue a walkie-talkie, some rough directions to the mess hall and left her alone.

The Sue wandered the halls for a while - followed at a distance by the PPC agents, who made ample use of several of the hidden alcoves - until she finally admitted to herself that she was lost. She debated whether to contact Sheppard, but didn't want to because she was afraid he might be busy. Then she remembered that she had met Lorne on the Daedalus and that he said she could radio him if she needed anything.

_Do you recognise anything? Like a stairway, or a corridor?_

"Seriously, Lorne." Allison rolled her eyes. "Is this your first day at Atlantis? Otherwise, you should know that lots of stairways and corridors look exactly like other stairways and corridors."

"There are maps all over the place in Atlantis. All she needs to do is find one."

"Do those maps come with big 'you are here now' arrows?"

"There are maps in transporters. Lorne could tell her to go to a specific location and he could pick her up there."

The Sue saw a sign, in Ancient, on one of the walls. She learned some Ancient during her brief stay at SGC, taught to her by Daniel Jackson in person. She said she was at lab 34.

_That's in an unexplored part of the city. Didn't the Colonel tell you not to go there? Ah man! I'm in so much trouble._

"One," Allison held up a finger, "how would he know what there is in an unexplored part of the city? Doesn't knowledge of what is where come with exploring stuff? Two, why would he be in trouble? The Sue's in a forbidden zone. No one told him to keep her out of there."

"A Sue can do no wrong. She can't get into trouble. Therefore, someone else must be. Lorne understands this."

Allison gave her partner a weary look. "When you put it like that... I'm thinking charge."

Lorne told her he would get Sheppard and they would come and get her. The Sue made a last comment to Lorne, but when there came no reply from his end, she decided to retrace her steps and find her own way back.

"Supposedly clever bar none, yet, hasn't got enough sense to wait in one location when others are coming to find her." Allison made another note.

"Lorne should have told her to stay put," Tasmin said. "He probably is never going to hear the end of that." Tasmin waved her hand before a panel in the wall. The panel slid up, revealing a display that showed the Words to the fic.

"Useful."

The agents read the Words to find out what was happening to Lorne.

Lorne was very worried he had lost radio contact with the Sue. He immediately contacted Sheppard to inform him his daughter was lost.

_But I can't say that I'm too happy with you Major. Heck, I'm beyond pissed that you didn't tell me sooner._

"How much sooner than immediately does he want to be told?"

Tasmin shrugged. She closed the display. "Let's catch up with that Sue."

The agents found the Sue not much later. She was still walking. She was also still wondering why no one had come for her.

"We could come for her. Put an end to this fic right now," Allison said. "I'm sure Sues have been charged for less grave offences."

Tasmin considered it. "Overaccomplished Sue, at least three cases of out of character canons. The charge list would be short, but I think it's good enough."

"That works for me."

Allison picked up pace and was about to tap the Sue on the shoulder when Sheppard's voice came crackling through the radio. The agent stopped and slumped her shoulders.

Sheppard informed the Sue that he and Lorne were only a few corridors away and told her to stay put.

"Does he mean a few corridors away from where she is now, or from where she was when Lorne talked to her?" Allison asked her partner when both were hiding in an alcove, again.

"We shall soon find out. Charge if it is the former. There is no way he could know that."

A charge it was. The Sue sank against a wall due to exhaustion - what with the grand tour, her own excursion and not having had lunch - only to instantly be found by Sheppard and Lorne.

Sheppard flew into a panic about her well-being, but Lorne saw she was only very tired.

_"Susan, if you don't wake up, I will tell the colonel what happened on the Daedalus that involved mashed potatoes and mushy peas and Colonel Caldwell's head."_

This, and the hands of Lorne and Sheppard, got the Sue back to her feet.

"I wonder if that food incident is the reason she can never return to Earth." Allison smiled. Her smiled dropped when the Sue wobbled on her legs and Sheppard decided he would carry her in his arms. "The least he could do is put her in a fireman's carry," she growled. "He would make better time that way. Get her to the infirmary or the mess hall much quicker."

"Not jealous are we?"

"Jealous? Of a Sue that doesn't seem to understand that father's aren't supposed to treat their daughters like their lovers?"

The agents were swept off their feet by a flashback that came unannounced.

"Or grasp the concept of a scene break," she added. "Did you ever get the FLF fixed after it was drowned in that other mission?"

"I thought I told you to have it fixed."

"No, you didn't. You don't trust me with equipment. If it is still broken, it is your fault. You can't off-load this one on me."

"The missions have been kinda piling up lately. It must have slipped my mind. I'll make it a priority after we get back."

Their own argument caused the agents to miss Nancy physically abusing the Sue, and they were deposited back at Atlantis without having learned anything new.

Allison glared at her partner. "What was the point of that?"

"So we'd know about the terrible childhood the Sue has had, and that she is now much better off in the safe and strong arms of Sheppard."

Allison intensified her glare.

Sheppard noticed the Sue was crying when he put her down by the door to his quarters. The Sue said it was nothing. She said she didn't want to talk about it, and wobbled in, towards the bed. Sheppard realised it would take some time to gain his daughter's trust. He suggested going for lunch.

Sheppard took the Sue to the mess hall - she walked on her own this time - where he introduced her to his team: Teyla, Ronon and McKay. They were surprised to learn he had a daughter, despite the fact that he never talked about his personal life.

_"You've got a daughter John?" Rodney had a knack at pointing out the obvious._

"So has whoever wrote that statement," Tasmin said. Surprised she didn't hear her partner chuckle, she turned around and found that Allison was filling a paper bag she had brought with sandwiches and other food. "Typical."

The Sue learned that Sheppard had never known about her. Crying she left the table and ran all the way to the South pier.

"C'mon." Tasmin grabbed Allison by her arm and started running after the Sue.

"Why is she crying?" Allison asked after she had managed to dislodge a piece of bread that got stuck in her throat when Tasmin had interrupted her meal. "Wouldn't it be better that her father never knew about her, rather than that he had knowingly left her with a woman that abused her and had never taken her away from there?"

"Applying logic again."

"I'm incorrigible that way."

The Sue sat sobbing at the pier and didn't do much of anything any more, other than sniff and occasionally dab her eyes with a sleeve.

"Perhaps we should have stayed with Sheppard," Allison opted after watching the Sue for a while. "The Words say he wanted to punch McKay for asking a stupid question."

"Rodney never asks stupid questions."

"And he didn't this time; he just asked for confirmation whether he had heard right."

"I know, I was paying attention in the mess hall."

"So was I, but my attention was directed at the food counter." Allison smirked, but quickly dropped her smile when her partner subtly raised her hand. "Anyway, Sheppard blames him for the Sue finding out he never knew about her. That's the second time in this story that someone gets or takes blame for something they are not at fault for."

"It's the theme of this story. The Sue was also always blamed for things she was not at fault for."

"It is said that abused children often become abusers themselves."

"Being a victim is not an excuse for becoming a perpetrator. Besides, the only reason the Sue was suffering abuse was to have a reason why she would be better off here than on Earth."

-oOo-

It was hours before Sheppard finally arrived at the South pier. The Sue was still sitting in the same position as when she had first arrived.

Allison ate the lunch she had packed. Tasmin declined her offer of sharing. To shorten the wait, Tasmin had pulled a novel from her duffel bag; Allison tried to make sea monsters come to the surface.

Sheppard wanted to apologise to the Sue for everything that had happened at lunch. Ever since he found out he was a father he had wanted to be the best dad he could be.

"And not for a moment he showed any doubt," Allison said. "No question of, is she really mine? Let's do a paternity test. I mean, how could he not know his wife was pregnant. Never mind she did not tell him. Did they never meet to negotiate the terms of their divorce? Did he not notice she was pregnant, or even that she was getting kind of fat?"

"Depending on the state, divorce proceedings take more or less time. In Wyoming, for instance, a marriage is dissolved approximately 20 days after filing. Theoretically, Nancy and Sheppard could have mutually decided to divorce, have sex on last time to celebrate their decision, file for divorce and divorce, before Nancy herself even realised she was pregnant. On the other hand, there are states such as Arkansas that require a couple to have separated for 18 months before they can file for divorce. If they didn't see each other during that time, Nancy could have had a child and kept it a secret from Sheppard."

"You're not actually giving grounds to charge the Sue with this never knew malarkey."

"Then how about this: when Nancy and Sheppard met at his father's funeral, she had not seen him in four years, meaning that she had last seen him a few months before he went to Atlantis. Sheppard's father liked Nancy, and it seems that despite the divorce, she stayed in touch with her ex-father-in-law. We don't know for how long Sheppard had not talked to his father, but he seemed like the kind of person that would remind Sheppard of his responsibilities, such as the child he had fathered. There is plenty of ground to charge the Sue with this never knew malarkey."

Sheppard stumbled through his apology and the Sue rewarded him with a hug.

_John rubbed soothing circles on her back, and rocked her back and forth. He had no idea what he was doing, but he did it. This dad thing was new to him, but he acted like a natural._

"Acted like a natural," Allison pointed out. "Not wàs a natural."

A scene break allowed the agents to stay in their position. Tasmin opened another panel for them to read the Words.

In the next few days, the Sue easily settled into Atlantis life. She took on the moniker of mini Shep, a nickname Lorne and Cadman had made up for her aboard the Daedalus because she resembled Sheppard so much both in looks and character.

"Charges, charges, charges," Allison growled and scribbled them down.

Several people insisted she could call them by their first name.

_But she had been raised to respect her elders, or be punished for it, so it was proving hard._

"She, however, has no problem calling Sheppard by his first name," Tasmin noted. "Does she not respect him?"

"Probably doesn't fear punishment from him," Allison said. "What about that thing with the mash potatoes and Caldwell's face. I'm not sure that story can be given a spin to make it come out respectful."

"Charge. Showing one thing, telling the opposite."

"Unreliable narrator?" Allison suggested.

"Only first person narrators can be unreliable. Third person narrators just forgot who they deal with from one chapter to the next."

_she meet David Parrish a botanist, Sergeant Bates, Lt Aiden Ford, Dr Kate Heightmeyer and Chuck the technician._

"Both Bates and Ford were injured during the siege of Atlantis," Tasmin said. "Neither of them worked at Atlantis after that. Ford even left Atlantis before Ronon arrived. Even if the Sue arrived on the Daedalus during the siege, she is unlikely to meet Ford after she met Ronon."

"At the very least she should have mentioned that Sheppard was taking time off from the war effort to play hide and seek with a fourteen-year-old." Allison took down the charge of messing with the canon time line.

"But she can't have come during the siege, because Sheppard was a major at that time and didn't become a lieutenant-colonel until he returned to Earth after the siege. He returned on the Daedalus, but the Sue wasn't present on that trip or she would have already met Sheppard on board. I doubt she would have hid in her quarters for three weeks, just so she could spring this big surprise on him on Atlantis."

"I think you have made your point that the Sue never met Ford and is just name dropping."

The only thing the Sue was dreading was going to the infirmary for a medical check-up, because that would surely mean people would see her scars. Sheppard coaxed her into going.

"And we're off to the infirmary." Tasmin closed the panel, threw her novel in her bag, pulled the remote activator from it and opened a portal.

-oOo-

The agents just settled themselves in as two medics when Sheppard and the Sue walked in.

The Sue was immediately taken in by Beckett's broad accent and his kind eyes.

"She needn't have transcribed the accent," Tasmin said softly. "We all know what he sounds like."

Beckett asked the Sue to hop on a bed and started his examination.

_He shone a light into Suzie's eyes, while she looked at his finger. "Good good, normal brain function there lass."_

Allison fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. Tasmin grabbed a pillow from the nearest bed and tried to smother her partner. Allison struggled to get free, slipped to the ground and managed to get herself safe by diving underneath the bed to the other side of it.

"All right." She held up her hands in a placating manner. "If you give me my pen and pad, I will write her up for bad medicine."

Tasmin threw her the requested stationery.

Allison tried to shrug off the glare she also received. "Really, no need to get violent. It was the tension. I was just letting off steam."

Tasmin humphed. She turned her attention to the Sue and Sheppard, who seemed not to have noticed any of the commotion that took place only a few beds away.

The Sue had rolled up her sleeve and revealed the scars on her arm. Sheppard and Beckett were both shocked. Sheppard fumed with anger of how Nancy had treated his daughter. He pulled the girl into a hug to comfort her.

_John pulled back, and put his hand on Suzie's cheek and rubbed a circle on it._

_'He's doing great at the father thing' the doctor thought whilst smiling to himself._

"What's with all this rubbing circles?" Allison asked.

"What?" Tasmin's stare still threw daggers.

"He rubbed circles on her back when he hugged her, rubbed circles on her hand when he held that for a moment, and now he's making circles on her face. What is with this man's thumb? Is it always this fidgety?"

Tasmin was stumped. "I don't know. I don't recall."

Allison was too surprised to mock her. "There is a gap in your knowledge," came out as a neutral statement of fact.

"Well," Tasmin said. "I don't really pay attention to his hands when he is hugging people."

Days passed into weeks and the Sue was given her own room, but nothing to occupy her time with.

"Why don't they just put her to work as a scientist?" Tasmin said. The agents stayed behind in the infirmary and followed the Sue's continued adventures and angst through the Words. "She's supposed to be superclever. And it would actually make sense, on some remote level, that SGC sent her to Atlantis because she is the smartest in her field. Even Weir might agree to her staying here on those grounds."

Getting a job had not yet occurred to the Sue. Though when she saw Zelenka struggle with some boxes, she rushed to help him with his job of repairing a few puddle jumpers. Zelenka let slip that he heard rumours that Sheppard was going to teach her to fly a jumper.

"Oh, no," Allison groaned. "She had to have the gene too, didn't she?"

"If she has, that's even more reason to put her to work. Anyway, charge if she has the gene because her dad has it; charge, if she flies a puddle jumper without it."

Flashbacks to her childhood were plaguing the Sue more and more. She decided it would be a good idea to see Kate Heightmeyer about this. She talked with Heightmeyer for an hour and the psychologist decided to prescribe her some sleep medication.

"Psychologists don't prescribe medication," Tasmin said. "Psychiatrists prescribe."

"She thinks Heightmeyer is a psychiatrist."

"She thinks wrong."

Heightmeyer urged the Sue to talk to Sheppard about her abuse as a child. The Sue was reluctant, but agreed she would. She told Sheppard she had flashbacks and Sheppard suggested to take time off so she could tell him what was on her mind.

_Together they walked to the pier in a comfortable silence, just holding hands like any normal father and daughter._

"No, no." Allison felt ill. "It is not normal for a father and his fourteen-year-old daughter to walk hand in hand. Fathers stop holding their daughters' hands once they know how to safely cross the street on their own. I hate this Sue for making Sheppard into a pervert."

"In response to Freud's concept of the Oedipus complex, Jung formulated the Electra complex. He proposed that girls experience desire for their father and aggression towards their mother. I guess that's what we're seeing here: the Sue's desiring her father. And she's showing aggression towards her mother by making her into an evil person."

The next day, Sheppard had to go off world on a mission, so he asked McKay to take the Sue jumper flying.

"What?" Allison turned to Tasmin. "Aren't Sheppard and McKay part of the same team? If Sheppard goes off world McKay goes too?"

"Well, not always. Both of them have been off world without the other there. Stranger, though, is that Sheppard passes up the opportunity of bonding over flying with his daughter. And perhaps the strangest thing is that he ask McKay to take her. Going out with McKay is like being a redshirt on _Star Trek_: they die before the problem of the week is resolved."

"Sheppard wants his daughter dead? This could be an interesting development." Allison leaned an elbow on the medical bed and her chin on her hand. She chuckled as she moved closer to the panel that displayed the Words.

"Hmm. That probably sounds better than it's actually going to be. That Griffin who's flying the jumper is already the redshirt. At least, he was in the episode _Grace Under Pressure_."

"I hate episode stealing. Sue's always forget that a new person in the room changes the dialogue."

"It seems this one remembered. Griffin is not yanking McKay's chain like he was in the episode. And now the jumper crew doesn't wake up to Zelenka calling out to them."

The Sue did not notice McKay's shock at Griffin's sacrifice. She was upset about it though, and McKay was said to take time away from his datapad to put an comforting arm around her shoulder.

One of Tasmin's eyes narrowed. "Depicting Rodney as cold-hearted."

"I'll add it to the charge list."

Rather than help McKay with his plans to get them rescued, the Sue sat in a corner and sobbed.

"I'm not sure whether I should be glad the Sue is doing nothing, or make it another charge," Tasmin said.

"What is making you hesitant to make a call?"

"If the Sue is as clever as she says she is, she ought to be helping Rodney. On the other hand, I don't want her to ruin the Rodney-Sam moment."

The Sue noticed McKay was hallucinating. She herself started seeing Daniel Jackson, her mentor from her brief time at SGC.

"Charge it is," Tasmin decided.

Allison happily wrote it down.

"And there's another one." Tasmin pointed at the screen. "While the Sue and Rodney are trapped in the jumper, Sheppard is being completely useless. He's supposed to be the one that came up with the rescue method."

McKay and the Sue were rescued and during a scene break they were brought to the infirmary. For a moment the infirmary was put in darkness. When the light returned, the Sue was in one of the beds and Sheppard was at her side.

"I think we should charge now," Tasmin said.

"I think we should wait until Sheppard takes a toilet break. He's watching her like a hawk."

"I have a better idea." Tasmin stepped up to Sheppard and asked him if he could give them a little privacy. "We are going to undress her and check for other injuries. I'm sure no fourteen-year-old girl wants to share that experience with her father."

Sheppard understood and stepped away.

The agents closed the curtains around the bed the Sue was in. Tasmin donned a pair of sunglasses and stuck her head around the curtains.

"Oh, and Sheppard...?" When he looked her way Tasmin pressed the button on the neuralyzer. "You don't have a fourteen-year-old daughter; your ex, Nancy, is not a child abuser; you are intelligent and practical, not overprotective and emotional."

Sheppard shook his head and blinked his eyes. "What am I doing at the infirmary?"

Tasmin took off her sunglasses. "Rodney's injured."

Sheppard screwed up his nose. "He's a hypochondriac. He's always got something."

"He almost died today."

"That sounds serious. I think I should go see how he's doing."

Tasmin pulled her head inside the curtains. "That takes care of him. Now to take care of you."

The Sue looked up groggily at the two agents. "Who are you? Am I hallucinating again?"

"No, we're very much real." Allison put on a solemn look. "Susan Sheppard, also known as mini Shep, little Sheppard, Suzie and Su." She smiled. "And Sue. We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and _Stargate Atlantis_ fandom in particular."

"What? No, no, you've got the wrong person."

"You answer to all these names listed above?"

"Yes?"

"Then we've got the right person. Now, shut up and I will explain. We charge you with bad spelling, bad grammar and bad punctuation. We also charge you with thesaurus abuse. Sheppard doesn't get an inquisitorial look when he checks his own e-mails. A curious look perhaps. Since you managed to spell inquisitorial correctly, we guess you've looked it up, and we think she should have looked up a few other words as well. For instance, when you had nothing to do, you should have been bored, not board. But thanks for the giggles."

Tasmin rolled her eyes and sighed loudly.

"We charge you with being sent to Atlantis by the SGC for no particular reason, other than that no one on Earth wanted to have you. Which is a rather odd assumption; there are always people looking for new drug mules, or girls they can force into prostitution."

"Allison."

"The point is, the SGC as an institution, would not care whether you were abused in your home and had a parent living on Atlantis. There are other institutions to take care of abused children and if the parent on Atlantis wanted to take care of their child they should come back to Earth."

"But John can't leave Atlantis."

"Sure he can. He's not tied to the place. He went back to Earth on several occasions. So if he had wanted to take care of you, he could have come back and got himself a position on an Air Force base that is more compatible with home life. No one on Atlantis is indispensable. Others are capable of being the military leader of the Atlantis expedition. As a matter of fact, the effect you had on Sheppard made me wonder whether he was capable of being the military leader."

"We might have been able to believe that the SGC sent you to Atlantis because of your superior intellect," Tasmin put in. "But other than mentioning you were oh so clever, you never used your brains. You weren't assigned a science position, and you made no effort what so ever to help Rodney out when the two of you were trapped under two thousand feet of water and sinking."

"Though we are glad you didn't steal McKay's moment. We charge you with turning Sheppard into a useless idiot, incapable of thinking on his feet due to worry about your well-being. We charge you with Sheppard not questioning the veracity of Weir's claim that he has a daughter. We charge you with him immediately being okay with being a father and acting like a father, and not for a moment doubting he should take this role or having any difficulties with it.

"We charge you with Weir seemingly accepting a fourteen-year-old is banished to Atlantis by the SGC. We charge you with making McKay do Sheppard's paper work because he has nothing better to do. McKay is, by his own admission, one of the greatest minds in two galaxies, he always has something better to do than paper work. Making up a name for a new weird techno thingy they discovered, for instance.

"We charge you with the defamation of the character of Nancy. We know very little of her from canon, but that doesn't mean you can turn her into a token evil mother to deal with your Electra complex."

"We know she didn't like Sheppard doing a lot of stuff he kept secret from her," Tasmin added. "We doubt she would retaliate by not telling him he had a daughter. We sooner think she would use the daughter to force him to be less secretive."

"Speaking of Electra complex," Allison took over charging, again, "we doubt Sheppard would offer you could stay in his room till you had a room assigned to you. That would probably be one of the first things he would do, get you assigned a room. He is rather practical. You insist on describing him as some kind of pervert: sharing a room, holding hands while walking. On the other hand, when there is the possibility of the two of you bonding while flying a jumper, he backs out at the last moment and sends McKay to take his place. That is a charge for inconsistency of character."

"Actually, we found all the bonding you did do with Sheppard - like talking about your youth - rather unbelievable. Sheppard's not someone to bond over words and feelings and memories. And the one thing you didn't do with him, flying in a jumper, is the one thing we could imagine him doing."

Allison glared at her partner. She didn't like being interrupted while charging by her partner any better than being interrupted by a Sue. "We charge you with being Daniel Jackson's protégée and learning Ancient from him. We also charge you with hallucinating Jackson while McKay is hallucinating Sam Carter. Wasn't that awfully convenient? We charge you with bad medicine. You had Beckett diagnose your brain function by giving you an eye exam. We charge you with changing Heightmeyer's profession from psychologist to psychiatrist. We also charge you with showing no ill effects from the abuse you suffered as a child, other than the scars and memories. You're not particularly cautious or pleasing in the relationships you form."

"Not all people are affected by child abuse in the same way," the Sue said.

"True, but if you are going to use child abuse as a theme, you might as well use it as an issue," Tasmin said. "Child abuse was not an issue here because it did not affect the way you approached other people. You formed the same relationships with people around Atlantis we've seen other people, that didn't claim they were abused, formed. You didn't even give us the impression that you worked hard on studies to get away from abuse. You told use you were abused, but you didn't show us."

"I did. I did show. Weren't you looking when I had the flashbacks?"

"We saw you getting hit, yes," Tasmin said. "But the effect that had, what you showed us was a victim of abuse that only had memories. Those memories were not used as a reference point to deal with new situations. From the frequency with which you had your memories, we would think your day to day interactions would be affected by them. At the very least, if one of my mum's boyfriends had raped me, I would not at all be comfortable if a man I knew little more of than his name and that he was supposed to be my dad, suggested that I would sleep in his room. You, however, do nothing more than slump your shoulders. No worries that he might try to rape you, too. After all, he was once your mother's husband, and she has shown, to you, to have rather poor taste in men. If you want us to believe the abuse was bad, than show us the character is suffering from the abuse. And just having memories doesn't count," Tasmin quickly added when the Sue opened her mouth. "Allison?"

"You're a Mary Sue. I'm done charging." Allison stuffed the notepad in her pocket and crossed her arms.

"Okay, Suzie Sheppard, you have been charged. Your punishment for these crimes is death."

"What? No! You can't kill me. John! John!"

Tasmin grabbed the pillow from behind the Sue's head and smothered her with it. When the Sue stopped struggling Tasmin held the pillow down for just a little bit longer to be sure she was dead. Then she threw the pillow aside and checked for a pulse. "What's with you?" she asked her partner after opening a portal and starting to pull the Sue from the bed.

"Oh, nothing. Just that, I charge, and you don't butt in until the actual killing."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Grow up."

-oOo-

A/N: Abuse suffered as a child crops up as a theme rather often in badfic. Usually it is only there to make characters and readers feel sympathy for the abused character. It rarely seems to affect the character in any way other than memories or possibly scars. Don't use child abuse just to get sympathy. If the abuse is a big deal to the character, for instance because they often are reminded of the abuse they suffered, it should have an effect on how they deal with other situations. Readers don't care for characters because they were abused; they care for characters that try to deal with their issues.


End file.
